Last updated on October 1, 2020
Question:
How can I change my habits of not thinking about sex as much? I recently stop having sex because I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. Now I see as I need to start looking on adult sites that it’s becoming an issue. I meet a lot of girls and something tells me sex is all I want, but I don’t want sex. I want to think differently and change into a better man like I was before. What would you do to change to a better healthier way?
Answer:
You have to realize that sex outside of marriage is wrong. It can’t be a half-hearted, “I’m giving it up for now because I can’t get it anyway.” It has to be a radical change. “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11). You have to reach the point that you realize that what you did with your former girlfriend was wrong.
Looking at pornography isn’t going to help you shift your attitude. Pornography focuses on sex and sensationalizes sex without the commitment of marriage. You can’t fill your thoughts with such ideas and then expect yourself to behave differently. See: Lies Pornography Tells Men. It affects you in more ways than you might expect. It changes how you see women and how you treat them, even when you aren’t trying to have sex with them.
When you can get to that point, then you will realize that one of your duties as a true man is to protect women, including protecting them from yourself. Then you will be treating women with respect and it will show in your attitude and your behavior.