Question:
I’m 15. When I see a man with a big butt, naked or clothed, I get aroused. I’m not gay. I did identify as bisexual not too long ago, but I don’t see myself marrying a man or having sex with one. I had a pornography and masturbation addiction, but this past month I’ve been praying and trying to stop. I’ve slipped up a couple of times but I still get aroused by other men. Women barely get me aroused when I see them in pornography. They can sometimes get me erect but not like seeing a man naked or even clothed is able to. I don’t want to go to hell. I’m trying to turn my life around but this is the one thing that gets me no matter what. Men still get me more aroused. I don’t have sex dreams, even when I did masturbate. I didn’t think about having sex with anyone but when I see a man naked, I can’t help but get heavily aroused. I’m still a virgin and haven’t had sexual relations with a man. When I was younger, I had some bad experiences with friends. My first time seeing pornography was at the age of 5 when I looked at Playboy magazines. The first time I saw gay pornography was when I was 8.
Thank you for reading.
Answer:
To call yourself “bisexual” is to tell others that you have sex with both men and women. That is not true in your case. You are being tempted in regard to homosexuality, but you haven’t given in to that temptation. As you probably suspect, it is your looking at pornography that is fueling your temptation. Pornography gets people sexually stimulated but it is over images. Men tend to be visual in nature, but pornography removes the essence of seeing people as real people and encourages men to see people as mere objects. Instead of caring about others and what is best for them, pornography encourages men to think only about themselves and what gives them a greater sexual high.
One of the mistakes you are making is assuming that if your penis is erect, then you are wanting sex. It is hard to differentiate sexual desire and sexual response, especially in the teenage years. However, the fact is that your penis gets hard for a variety of reasons, of which sexual desire is just one. Yet, because of the assumption, you unintentionally train yourself to get sexually excited by certain images and thoughts. The good news is that what you have trained yourself to do can be untrained with a bit of effort.
Being tempted to sin is not a sin. Jesus was tempted; yet, he never sinned. Thus, the first lesson to learn is that just because you find men’s bottoms attractive, it doesn’t mean you have to do anything with that attraction. Just because your penis gets erect, you don’t have to do any. You can ignore it — at least to a certain extent.
You mentioned not having had wet dreams. Not every guy has them. But here is what I suggest you work on. Instead of letting your body control you, start using your mind. When the urge to ejaculate comes on you, see if you can put it off for a little while. If continues to annoy you and intrude on your thoughts, then put all your electronics away, find a private place, and masturbate to relieve yourself. Try as best you can to not think of anything in particular while you are masturbating, though that is difficult at times. As time goes on, it will get easier. It won’t be as exciting or as stimulating as it is while watching pornography, but it will still give you relief without the guilt of knowing you’ve sinned.
The reason for this suggestion is that too often guys try to fix the problem of pornography by keeping themselves from ejaculating, but the body does require periodic relief from the build-up of semen. Putting it off for a short while helps you to distinguish a physical need to ejaculate from just wanting something to do. Allowing yourself to ejaculate when the physical need is there keeps instinct from taking over and pushing you to look at pornography.
At times, putting off ejaculating long enough without losing your self-control may lead to your body switching to using wet dreams to get rid of the semen that is building up in your body. Either masturbating or wet dreams are fine. What is not fine is losing your self-control.