Last updated on September 22, 2020
Question:
Hey,
I am a 17-year-old boy. As I came across this site and looked through the multitude of questions teenage boys have on sexuality and adolescence, it feels good to know that I am not the only one confused. Finally, after a lot of Internet browsing and still being confused and “un-satisfied,” I can speak to someone.
There are some problems that are really troubling me these days and I don’t know what to do. Please give me some suggestions or tips on how to handle them and how I ended up being in such a fix. Sir, I request you to respond not just from an idealistic, religious perspective but what is at the same time rational and practical.
Do I have a sexual perversion or fetish? Like many boys of my age, I am physically attracted to girls. Although when it comes to actually facing them, I don’t really have a problem. I never indulge in flirting or feel like … But the problem arises when I am at home and alone with the Internet. I am sexually attracted to female feet! Since the age of 14, I have been masturbating almost daily but nowadays it is sort of compulsive. For the last two years, I specifically look up videos on female feet fetish and masturbate. And not just that, instead of normal sexy videos I enjoy female domination clips. I have done all sorts of crazy things. I specifically look for “jerk off instructions” and “cum eating instructions,” “penis torture,” and actually enjoy doing it! Yes, at this early age I have done many weird things. Even recently there is something called female domination hypnosis and I have done that, too. Not that it is always at the back of my head, but whenever I am alone at home it just occurs to me. I try and resist but sooner or later I go to the PC and it happens instinctively.
Some web sites say feet worship is a sexual preference or maybe it comes off with age but it’s doing me no good. And the domination stuff is nasty. I know it but still do it. I am not a Christian but study in a Christian convent school so I hear the scriptures often! Certain sites say that sexual perversion comes as a result of feelings of being ignored, or due to under-achievement, etc., but in my case, it is a little different. I am the president of the student council at my school and was an honor student throughout school until last year, so life was going pretty well. But from last year have I been overcome by this menace. I take a day off from school to study and end up watching humiliation stuff, jerking off, and wasting the day! This is my final year at school and things are not going well, the way they used to be.
Please help me on how to be less perverted, control my sexual urges of all sorts, and be more focused on the tasks at hand.
I am desperately waiting for a response. Thank you.
P.S. Is masturbation in general bad? Is it masturbation healthy and normal for a 17-year-old? Or should the urge be fought and the natural cycle of wet dreams be allowed? If it is healthy, how do I handle it well?
Answer:
Masturbation is so common among males, that you would be hard-pressed to find a mature male who has not masturbated. Most surveys put the number at 95% or higher and some think the remainder are not being honest.
As an act, masturbation is neither right nor wrong by itself, but the way in which it is done can be wrong. For example, eating is neither right nor wrong by itself, but being a glutton, or eating all the food and leaving little for others is wrong. Masturbation is also neutral, but when you masturbate to pornography it becomes wrong (I Thessalonians 5:3-5). The reason is that pornography warps your view of sex, of women, and promotes a selfish attitude. See: Lies Pornography Tells Men. You are realizing that pornography is a trap where your own body and its needs are being used against you. But in realizing there is a trap here, there is also a danger in going to the other extreme and thinking that ejaculating itself is wrong.
Masturbation is alluded to in the scriptures though it is not mentioned directly.
“If any man has an emission of semen, then he shall wash all his body in water, and be unclean until evening. And any garment and any leather on which there is semen, it shall be washed with water, and be unclean until evening. Also, when a woman lies with a man, and there is an emission of semen, they shall bathe in water, and be unclean until evening” (Leviticus 15:16-18).
Sex with a woman is covered in Leviticus 15:18, so the earlier mention of ejaculation in Leviticus 15:16 must cover times a man ejaculates when not having sex: wet dreams and masturbating. Being unclean is not sinful. A dead person has to be buried, but the law requires that any touching the body has to be unclean for a week. A woman has monthly blood flows, whether she wants it or not, but she is unclean for a week when it happens. A man was unclean for a day each time he ejaculated, whatever was the reason for the ejaculation. None of these examples involves a person sinning — unless they broke the laws of uncleanness.
Now, let’s discuss the physical aspect of the issue as well. Your body has two seminal vesicles, which are located just below and behind the bladder. These vesicles constantly produce semen and eventually, they get full. That is what you are feeling when you try to go without ejaculating. As they get full, your body gets more sensitive to sexual touch. Your mind also tends to move to sexual ideas and that is where you start feeling like you are going crazy.
The design of the male body is to get rid of older semen to make room for fresh material. To get rid of the excess, you have to ejaculate. This can happen through masturbation or through wet dreams, where you masturbate in your sleep.
When you first learn something new, your mind first connects it thousands of possibilities, then it prunes the unworkable ones, and then reinforces the ones that seem to work. You gained the ability to have sex and your mind exploded with possibilities. You happened to focus on feet. Another guy might focus on breasts, or waists, or bums. Men tend to be visual and it takes a while before a guy realizes that having a particular body feature doesn’t relate to whether that woman will make a good companion for life.
Unfortunately during that time, you got into pornography. This reinforces the focus on mere external things. One of the reasons pornography works on guys is through shock. Shock gets the heart racing and makes erections more likely. But when you see the same thing repeatedly, the shock wears off. So you seek out new and more perverted things to regain that initial shock. But real life isn’t porn.
What has happened gradually over time is that when your body needs to ejaculate, you turned to pornography to get you aroused enough to do it. It has become such an ingrained habit that it is hard to think of doing it without pornography. At the same time, you also have developed a habit of turning to pornography whenever you are bored. Worse, you have reached the stage where you are manufacturing reasons to be bored so that you can escape into pornography and orgasms.
Breaking the cycle isn’t too hard. It means you start treating your need for ejaculating like you would any other bodily function. You take care of the matter before it becomes urgent and you find yourself being driven to look at things you shouldn’t see. Along with that, you should install a web filter on your computers and phones to make it hard to see pornography impulsively.