Last updated on September 15, 2020
Question:
Hello,
OK. So my girlfriend sometimes says I’m boring and awkward, and I agree with her. Usually, it’s
because there’s nothing to talk about, and I don’t want to sound stupid if I say something stupid.
There are times when I’m shy when I’m around her. I know I shouldn’t be but I am. Do you know why? and can you give me some advice?
My girlfriend has my Facebook password and I have hers but it’s only because we can hack each
other by saying stuff like “[nickname] was here 🙂 and he loves you” but for someone reason, I keep
going on her account to see who she is talking to lately. I’m always curious about stuff. I really do
trust her. She’s not that type of a girl who will cheat on me or anything. Is there a way I could stop this mess? I feel like it’s becoming a habit.
Answer:
Girls tend to be verbal and boys tend to be visual. Girls approach problems by looking at every possible angle to decide which is the best solution. Boys approach problems by searching for a solution as quickly as possible. Women tend to focus on emotions and relationships. Men tend to focus on logic and reasoning. Women tend to multitask. When women work together, there tends to be multiple conversations going on about multiple topics at the same time. Not only can women follow this flow, but they can come up with interesting ideas because of the blend. Men tend to focus on a single task. When men work together, there tends to be a minimal conversation as each contributes to moving the task along to completion.
Neither style is better or worse. Each is useful in its own way. But it does mean that boys and girls find it hard initially to blend their different styles together. Girls find it hard to talk to someone who doesn’t continually bring up random subjects. Boys find it hard to follow a girl’s discussion as it jumps from subject to subject with seemingly no warning. Boys think girls can’t let a subject go because they continue to discuss it even after a solution to a problem has been found. Girls think boys are inconsiderate or arrogant because they won’t discuss other possible ideas and stick to the first answer they propose.
Each couple both has to understand that the other person thinks and behaves differently. It takes time to realize that the other person has valuable contributions that are reached by radically different methods.
So when conversation stalls, ask an open-ended question — one that can’t be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” Ask what they think about people, assignments at school, movies, or music. Pick things that you know she is interested in or something that you would like to learn about her. Be willing to lightheartedly tease and to receive teasing. Compliment honestly, but if you are going to compliment a girl about herself, stay away from any area of the body that might be taken as having a sexual connotation. For example, don’t compliment her on the fit of her clothes. Also avoid comparing her with herself, such as “that’s the happiest I’ve ever seen you!” Such self-comparisons get turned around, “Oh! So you think I’ve never been happy before.”
It is amazing how many guys can’t answer simple questions about their girlfriend, such as what is her favorite flower, or who is her favorite teacher, or what is her dream job in the future. Dating is a time to get to know each other. As a guy, you focus on learning more about her as a person and she will be figuring out what kind of guy you are at the same time.
While I know you are curious, this can lead to possessiveness and jealousy. You’re seeing this and it is best not to continue it. If you want to know about what is going on in her life, then there is another topic you can talk to her about.