Last updated on September 26, 2020
Question:
Hi, I’m a 12-year-old boy (almost 13) and I had some questions. I know you’ve probably answered these, but I’d rather have it directly.
I was wondering about whether or not I was gay because I like to look at shirtless guys and even just naked ones. Although, I also really like girls (bisexual?). I looked at your other answers, and it may be that I just look up to them because I want to be like them. But I wanted some clarification on that, and if I answered my own question. I still feel I did that question injustice.
Also, I look up to other males, especially because I have a problem with how I look. Not just because of puberty, but I’ve been self-conscious as long as I have lived. I was wondering if you could help, or suggest anything so that I could lose weight. It’s not so much that I don’t know it, it’s more like the drive or motivation isn’t there and my space is limited. Do you recommend any workouts or diet, other than the eat 500 fewer calories and all? I did turn vegetarian, kind of to show up my cousin who gave up on vegetarianism after a short time. Any help would be great, I just needed some support and all.
I mean like, I don’t make many guy friends, and even so, it’s not like we go to each other’s houses or really know each other. It’s easier for me to talk to girls. Is this also a part of the “gayness?”
And lastly, my penis is pretty small, and I’m kind of short. I took the Tanner Test and it said I was a 3. But I haven’t had any growth spurts or anything. Or did I miss something? Do you know when I will grow? It feels like I’m a sprout in a forest of redwood trees. My penis is actually pretty small, I feel like it could be because of my obesity, but even so, will my penis still grow? An estimation (because I haven’t measured it) would be about the size of the average index finger when erect — 2-3 inches? When flaccid, it feels like a turtle’s head, merely poking out of its shell. I keep waiting for my penis to grow because I’ve seen other huge ones (yes, porn, but I quit after I read it was really wrong and illegal four months ago). There are some where you can stroke and your hand will only be on the shaft. I know the average size is about 6 inches, but with me being Asian, is my penis size going to be affected when I’m older?
And, masturbation. I love it, but I have quit edging (masturbating without orgasm) because I really want to experience at least one wet dream or nocturnal emission. Is it possible if I stop long enough, that I will get a wet dream?. I’m already at two weeks and I keep going. Especially because I’m at my cousin’s house and there is no place where you’re really alone.
Also, my cousin, who is a guy, likes to just stroke my arm and my leg. Sometimes, I do it back, but it feels more like a playful attitude and curiosity. But I do wonder a lot about if we actually masturbated in front of each other. Is this bad? I don’t want to, but it just pops into my head. And when he strokes my arm or leg, I get aroused. I don’t exactly want to be gay, which is weird, because if someone is gay but they don’t want to be, doesn’t that make them not gay if they don’t want to be with guys?
Also, will you answer these questions if I ever have more? It could be a huge detailed paragraph, or it can be blunt, I’d just love to seek guidance.
Sorry, for the huge message. I just had a lot of questions and don’t really like talking to family or friends about it. And I think a lot of people should come to you or places like this. Thank you.
Answer:
Being tempted is not the same as sinning. To be a homosexual means you are having sex with people of the same gender. Homosexual lust would mean that you badly want to have sex with another guy, to the point of playing out scenes in your head where you would feel justified in doing it, even though you know it would be wrong. Those who want to justify homosexuality call even the temptation “homosexuality” to claim that homosexuality is more prevalent than it really is. It is the old game of “If everyone else is doing it, then I should too.” It also makes it hard for people unfamiliar with the true definitions to see the flaw in the logic. All they think is “Hey, I felt that temptation before, so I must be a homosexual!”
To illustrate the error, there are lots of people who have seen something and have been tempted to just take it. The vast majority of people reject the idea because stealing is wrong, but are those people who had the passing thought thieves? Of course not!
Many, if not most, young men go through a phase where they admire men. It is a drive that they want to model themselves after someone they see as successful. You show that in that you state that you don’t like the way you look, but you like looking at guys who look as you wished you were. The drive is normal but it can be easily twisted into something wrong. It is too easy to allow something we want to become bait for sin.
Your cousin appears to be purposely trying to tempt you. I assume he is a few years older than you and also more developed than you. He is purposely using touch to get you sexually aroused because he understands that it doesn’t take much to trigger arousal in a boy who is just starting to develop. He also knows that when a guy is aroused, he doesn’t think clearly so he can manipulate you into doing things sexually with him. Where you are being tempted by homosexuality, he is involved in homosexual lust. He is trying to break down your resistance and get you to sin with him. The fact that you are not interested in having sex with a guy is evidence that you are not homosexual. It doesn’t mean you are impervious to temptation and won’t give in, but no one is born a homosexual.
People will claim anything different from other guys must be evidence that a guy is not like the rest in other ways, especially if it is something they associate with … girls! Most guys are probably jealous that you are able to talk to girls so easily. They wish they could, but they get tongue-tied, so they cover up their jealously by deciding you must be less than they are. The fact is that there is a wide range of talents and abilities among all males (and all females). I know a very athletic man who is fantastic at crocheting. He is definitely not a homosexual. He just has talent in an area that many other men can’t compete.
I assume that you are at the start of stage 3 in your development. It is during stage 3 that you gain your most height. It is also during this stage that your penis gets longer. Most likely this growth will be noticeable in the next year.
In regards to diet, a vegetarian diet is not a good one for a young male hoping to gain a much height as he can. It is far too easy to miss essential nutrients in vegetarianism. Therefore, if you are just doing this as a contest, I would suggest stopping until after you have finished your development.
Because you are about to grow, I would not worry a great deal about your weight at this time, unless you are excessively overweight. Your body will use up a good bit of your stored fat in fueling your growth. Stage 4 is a better time to get your weight under control.
Exercise is a different matter. The more active you are, the better off you will be throughout life. You will be able to get stronger and you will naturally shed extra pounds through exercise, but don’t expect to gain huge muscles until you reach the later part of stage 4. What exercise or activity you do doesn’t matter a whole lot other than it needs to be things you enjoy doing (so you won’t stop).
Wet dreams come to some boys, but not others. It all depends on if you are able to sleep through masturbating in your sleep or not. It can take up to a month to store up enough semen to trigger a wet dream. Many guys find that too uncomfortable to wait that long or they find themselves doing inappropriate things unconsciously when they try putting off ejaculating. The only way to find out is to just wait and see.
If you do need to ejaculate, I usually recommend doing it while bathing because that is usually a private situation, and clean up is easier.