Last updated on September 24, 2020
Question
Good day to you sir,
How I got to know about your web site is a blessing from above. Kindly bear with me, what I am about to write is lengthy. I want you to understand my situation so that God can use you as a vessel of change in my life through your words.
This is my story:
I am 22 years of age. I am a final year student at a state university. I grew up as a child well brought up in the way of the Lord. Thanks to my parents for showing me the path of salvation. As a child, I went through a lot of challenges because I see myself as being different from my peers in school. The reason being that I am effeminate as a man in nature, but thanks to God who makes me whole in that aspect. Due to how I walk, talk, behave, I was called “girlish.” This name tends to make me feel depressed whenever I was alone during my teenage years, but I think what kept me going was that I was brilliant. Due to the circumstances that surrounded me during that period, I promised myself to always stay focused on my studies, no matter what. Only God saved me that the word ”gay” hadn’t been so rampant at that period; otherwise, who knows if I wouldn’t have been tagged with that! I do have low self-esteem because of how I am. When this peer pressure on how I behaved was too much, I had no choice other than to change my attitude. I started masturbating at the age of 14. Nobody lured me into that, but I discovered it myself. The funniest thing is, many people do call me Pastor. I hated that so much that I decided to use masturbation to chase away the Holy Spirit.
When I was 15 and about to leave secondary school, I started behaving like a guy by being a fashion freaked! When I left high school at the age of 16, my friend would come to my house to watch a sex film. I believe that the men saw having sex made me more passionate about the male body because of their muscle and their big penis! Whenever we finish watching this sex film, my so-called friend would tease me by calling me impotent! I hated this because I know I am an active man. So I had to prove them wrong by having a relationship with a girl which lasted for about six months, but sex was involved. She was 18 and I was 17. The girl happened to be a virgin and so was I. Whenever I remember that scene, I am always unhappy because I wish I was still a virgin, keeping myself for God.
I entered university at the age of 17. I left the girl I was dating because I believed I would see better offers when I got to school, but it was the opposite. This was the beginning of my loneliness. Masturbation served as a great alternative, but whenever I did it, I was always depressed and empty but that didn’t make me stop.
When I finished my first year in school, I came home, and the devil tormented me with homosexual acts through social media and my friends. I met a friend in another country on Facebook who happened to be gay. I didn’t know until we started conversing. I will be honest with you, because I was lonely I fell prey to him, but thanks to God distance served as a barrier. If it hadn’t been for that I would have sex with him because I loved him. I knew what I got myself into was not right, so I prayed to God that He should disconnect us. My prayer was answered but that didn’t stop me from wanting to experience how gay sex felt like. On a faithful day, I met a guy through Facebook who happened to be gay, I was so determined in my heart, that I didn’t care what might happen. I was determined to have my first experience with that guy, but God didn’t desert me because of my lustful thoughts, He sent someone through Facebook to teach me not to be involved in nasty acts that would spoil my future. When I heard that I had no other choice than to let go!
This wasn’t the end, though. Through Facebook, I also met a guy from a neighboring country who I also fell in love with, but to cuts the story short, my spirit wasn’t at rest with this filthy love, so I decided to unfriend him because he was pestering me to come to my country. I knew if he came, something unusual might happen between us!
I gave my life to Christ when I was 20. I pray to him that he should give me the spirit to overcome masturbation, and he did. After having given my life to Christ, I proposed that I would never masturbate again, but I fell back into it after 6-8 months of abstaining. I cried but with his grace that was sufficient, I am now 1 year and 10 months without masturbating. Since then, I have been having frequent homosexual feelings and thoughts to the extent that if I am asleep, I will have all kinds of sex with men in my dreams. I believe the devil had been using this to bring me down. I have prayed, have fasted, but I am still having gay thoughts to the extent that whenever I pass any guy on my way, I have an erection.
The essence of my telling you all of this is so you have an idea of what challenges I am facing. Presently, I am not in school because of a teachers’ strike. So I have been at home for several months. I presently having a part-time job to keep myself busy. But I fell into another trap through a friend whom I met on Facebook.
About two months ago I was so depressed and lonely, I felt like speaking to a Christian brother about the challenges I am facing in my faith in Christ. I decided to search for a foreign Christian friend whom I could add on Facebook because I didn’t feel like revealing my secret fault to anybody around me. I don’t trust them and I was afraid they might condemn me or reveal my secret. I wanted to have a spiritual friend in Christ and nothing else. I began a search for this friend, and I ended up with a good looking Christian guy in another country. I sent him a friend request and since then, we have been friends. We exchanged phone numbers and he texts me whenever he wants to have a chat on Facebook.
I revealed my secret faults to this guy, not knowing that he was also struggling with the same challenges. We prayed together and hoped things would change for me for good with my struggles. But this friendship had been another thing entirely. Despite the fact that I told this guy what I was passing through, he always tells me he loves me, to the extent that at one time we confessed to each other that whenever we are exchanging messages, we have spontaneous and uncontrolled erections We also talk raw. He asks me gayish questions like what is your buttock and penis sizes, would you allow me to touch your penis if am with you? etc. Sincerely, this was not what I was expecting the friendship to turn into. It got to a point where I had to tell him to stop telling me all those erotic things because they affect me, but he didn’t. He said he never had any relationship with a woman before, only with guys. According to him, he had a series of sexual encounters with different guys. Anytime I tried to speak against homosexuality and masturbation he turned it down, saying indirectly that I wasn’t in the best position to give him advice because we are having the same challenges.
A few weeks after we met, his boyfriend broke up with him and since then, we have been chatting. I am always feeling guilty that what I am involved in isn’t right. I tried to define our relationship as purely platonic, but I do have erections whenever I am chatting with him, which I don’t like. My phone is faulty and he promised to send me money to buy a new one. My question is: should I accept his money? He’s presently living with his brother and he said he’s planning to move to his own house very soon. He amused me saying that when he gets his own apartment, he will arrange for me to come and stay with him. We were having a conversation today. He said he didn’t like me but he loves me. He asked that if I were to be with him, would I enjoy having sex indirectly with him. If he made an arrangement for me to come to him, should I go or should I unfriend him on Facebook?
By God’s grace, I know the stuff I am made of. I am currently a first-class student. I believe with God on my side I have a bright future ahead. Do you think I should accept the money he wants to send? Should I accept his offer about coming to see him if he is serious about it? Please, I am confused. Kindly advise me. I don’t want to disappoint Jesus Christ and do something stupid that would destroy my future. I am waiting for your awesome response from God.
Thank you and God bless.
Answer:
One thing that I did not gather from your note is whether you desire to live by God’s laws or not. You talk a bit about being a Christian, but you have not been living the Christian life. This makes a big difference because if you wish to be a Christian, then many of your choices are easily made.
For example, you have been tempted by homosexuals numerous times, but the Bible states that homosexuality is a sin (I Corinthians 6:9-10). There is no exception. And since Paul said, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits’” (I Corinthians 15:33), continued communications with people you know are trying to get you to have sex with them is also wrong.
While you so far have avoided actual homosexual sex, you have accepted it in your thoughts. Your letter tells me that if the opportunity arose, you would be pulling off your clothes as fast as you could. The core of the problem is that you are not convinced that homosexuality is wrong. You lust after it and as a result, it is changing you. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man” (Mark 7:21-23).
Because you haven’t conquered the lust, you’ve gotten involved in other sins. For example, the young man you are currently speaking with is clearly involved in homosexuality; that is why he doesn’t want to hear anything against it. Since he is actively involved in sin, he isn’t living the life of a Christian. Yet, notice that he is luring you in with sexual talk. “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them” (Ephesians 5:3-7). It is only you who pretends that this is something different. His objective has been clearly defined — he plans to have sex with you. To him, the cost of a cell phone is small to gain a new sexual partner.
It is also this same lust that led you to commit fornication with a girl in the foolish attempt to “prove” you weren’t a homosexual. Since when do you use one sin to prove you don’t do another sin?
Now if you want to be serious about living for God, then you have to stop flirting with the world. “Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles–when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you” (I Peter 4:1-4).
Question:
Thank you, sir. Your words came at the right time. I needed it.
Sorry to bother you again, sir. I am ready to quit the relationship, but I don’t know how to go about it. Kindly help me by giving me your own opinion on how to do it in a proper way.
I appreciate your effort. Thank you once again, sir.
Answer:
The best way is to be blunt. “Because you are pushing me toward homosexuality, I can no longer remain friends with you. Please do not contact me again.” Then unfriend him, block his Facebook account, and block his phone number. Trying to argue with a guy who is given over to sin just won’t work, so you just state how things are going to be.
Response:
I am happy that I found you at the right time. I consider this as God’s grace. I will surely contact you if I need your help again.
More of God’s wisdom and blessing toward you. Thank you, sir.