Should I date a non-Christian?

Last updated on September 17, 2020


Hi there,

I was recently chatting to my mum about moving out at the end of the year, my plans for the future, and so on.  After a while the conversation got to a point where I admitted I was at a very low point spiritually; even though I attend our local church every Sunday without fail (I specifically asked for and got Sundays off work just so I could attend), and have recently become a full member.  I was hoping that doing as much as possible in the church would help to strengthen my faith, but I was not really aware of God in my life, despite my best efforts to live according to His Word.  After a while, we prayed together and asked for God’s guidance for my future, specifically whether I should stay in our isolated community or move to try and meet a few more people.  One of my main motivations for leaving is the lack of any Christian girls my own age.

All of this leads me to my question. The day after we prayed, a new girl started at my work and she is really great.  We are the same age, have a lot of interests in common, and we really seem to ‘click’, as it were.  She doesn’t even go out and get drunk a lot like most people my age.  The only thing is, she is not a Christian.  I know she and her family used to attend church and her mum still goes occasionally, but as far as I know, that is the extent of her religious experience.  I have asked her out on a date for next week, but I am beginning to doubt if I am doing what is right.  The thing is, it just seems like too much of a coincidence that the very next day after I prayed about it, this really great girl appears at work and we get along so well so quickly. Is this God’s way of telling me to stay put for now?

Can she really be an answer to prayer if she is not a Christian?

Also, on a related note, I am worried about telling my mum I am dating a non-Christian. Any help would be appreciated.


When it comes to God’s providence, it is usually near impossible to tell. As Mordecai told Esther concerning her position as queen, “Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). It is usually not until after the fact that you can see that there were too many coincidences in a situation to be merely random events.

There is nothing wrong with dating someone who is not a Christian, so long as you have ground rules for yourself.

First, I hope that it is your goal to marry a Christian. While it isn’t sinful to marry a non-Christian, it will cause you many hardships and grief over the years. The odds will be that you’ll leave the faith or become weaker in your faith in such a situation. Therefore, make it a rule that you won’t get serious about someone until she first commits herself to Christ.

Second, non-Christians don’t necessarily have the same moral code that Christians do. It is a part of why they are not a Christian. I’m glad she is not a drunkard, but it doesn’t mean she won’t push you toward some other sin because she personally doesn’t see anything wrong with it. You’ll have to remain on your guard.