Question:
Hi,
I struggled with porn, and I’ve masturbated with men more than once online. I regret everything that I’ve done. I’ve repeatedly repented and greatly regret what I did with those men. I’m not sure that I am saved. I’m straight, I like women, and I’m heterosexual, but I struggle in certain areas of my life. I’ve had two girlfriends in the past. However, I’m straightening my life out slowly. I realize what I did was wrong. I regret everything and have great sorrow. I hope God can forgive me. I can’t forgive myself.
Thanks.
Answer:
Repentance is more than being sorry about what you have done. Repentance is a change in your attitude toward the acceptability of sin and a change in your behavior. “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11). In other words, regret is the motivation to change, but it is not the change itself.
God forgives people when they become Christians, and one of the requirements of being a Christian is to repent of your past sins. See “How to Become a Christian.” When you are a Christian, sins will sometimes still happen, which are taken care of by repenting and asking God for forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). “Forgiveness” means to be released from a debt. When we sin, we create a debt to God that only He can release us from. Technically, I can’t forgive myself because I can’t go into debt to myself. The guilty feeling about what you have done remains, even after you are forgiven, but that feeling serves a good purpose. It reminds you not to repeat your sins.
Homosexuality is not a type of person but a choice in the type of sexual sin a person commits. Just as a person can choose to do homosexual sex, he can choose not to sin in that manner (I Corinthians 6:9-11). I’m glad you are wanting to get away from this sin.
The first step is to stop the pornography. I can’t make you stop. I can’t monitor you. All I can do is point you in the direction you need to go and give you advice. You must be willing to put in the hard work and not give up when things get difficult. That is a choice you have to make.