Last updated on August 31, 2020
Question:
I am a devout Christian teen, but ever since I began puberty I’ve been having a really tough time dealing with temptation, especially sexual immorality. I began masturbating a while ago and tried giving up it many times but to no avail. It’s not because I like doing it and don’t want to give it up, it’s just really hard.
I always think about Jesus and how he lived his life but when it comes to sexual immorality, I find that Satan and his temptation is too powerful. A certain feeling just crashes over me like a wave when I’m aroused and before I know it, I’m masturbating before I have time to resist. After every time I’ve ejaculated I feel terrible and I feel that I’ve betrayed Jesus the Lord. I always repent to the Lord for forgiveness afterward and I pray that find he will coat me in his holy glory and protect me from sin.
But the main problem is that when I stop, I can last for about three weeks average, and then I just do it again. My record is three months, but I really just want to stop forever.
I really don’t want to keep asking for forgiveness over and over again. The point of repentance is to ask forgiveness and then stop doing the shameful task, not to ask for forgiveness over and over again for the same task, and keep doing it just because Satan is too strong.
So I ask how I can resist this. I’m a great young man and award-winning at sports and academics. Teachers like me at school and pastors at church like me as well. It’s just that this one act of masturbation is ruining all I have worked for and giving me great shame. I just want to stop in the name of God.
Answer:
One of the really sneaky ways Satan undermines a Christian’s confidence is to get them to believe that something normal is sinful. You see this frequently with young women who are convinced that they are fat when they are not and that eating is wrong. They end up spiraling out of control because eventually they have to eat but because they haven’t eaten in so long they overeat. Then they decide that they are really bad because they have no control, and they punish themselves by not eating.
A similar thing happens to boys in regards to ejaculating. Ejaculating feels really good, so many boys convince themselves that it must be bad because it feels so good. There is just one problem. God doesn’t say that masturbation is sinful. I want you to read some answers I gave earlier:
- Is masturbation unacceptable?
- Is masturbation sinful or not?
- I’m still confused about masturbation. Is it right or wrong?
What is wrong are the lustful thoughts or the use of pornography that many boys use to get themselves aroused enough to ejaculate. But by focusing on masturbating the real issues are addressed and the problem seemingly spirals out of control because the male body has to release semen periodically. See: About Your Body. If you try to not ejaculate, pressure builds up in your seminal vesicles, your urge for sex rises, and eventually, your instincts take over to get rid of the excess semen. Then you start scolding yourself for your lack of self-control. And things spiral out of control.
The reason you haven’t been able to stop is that you are trying to stop ejaculating. It is like someone saying they aren’t going to pee anymore. There is only so long you can last before you have to give in. It takes longer for the body to build up semen than it does to build up urine, but the same problem remains. You have to ejaculate.
There are two routes for getting rid of excess semen, wet dreams or masturbating. Actually they are related because a wet dream is masturbating in your sleep. Some guys prefer wet dreams because they are more involuntary. Others prefer masturbation because they are less messy and you can control when they happen. You can’t directly control the content of the dream that accompanies a wet dream, except by not giving it bad material to work with. Controlling your thoughts while masturbating is hard, but it can be done with effort.
The route not open to you is not ejaculating at all. First, I want you to study this for yourself. Read all the passages, think about whether I missed anything in my arguments. Then let me know the direction you want to take with this matter.