Last updated on November 7, 2026
Question:
I’m in a situation where I can only speak once, so I’ll see whatever the reply is, but I may or may not be able to respond. I don’t know where to start, but I’m very stuck, and I need as much advice and support as possible. Be harsh, even as long as there’s love. I just need as many responses as possible because I’m really stuck.
I’m 17 and in a situation where my sin has possible legal repercussions. I saw a pastor recently, and it gave me some peace about my situation. It was truly a comfort. Nothing was finalized, but I won’t lie; the weight of the option to turn myself in for my sin still feels strong. And it’s either I know it’s God and I’m lying to myself, or I genuinely don’t know whether it’s God or me being really guilty. I can’t discern for myself, and I’m not sure I want to because if I do turn myself in- well, nobody wants to go to jail. I understand reaping what you sow and that actions have consequences, but it still terrifies me. I’ve been frozen in this decision for years, and I’ve been mostly on the “not turning myself in” side of things, and for a while it just didn’t feel right- so I’m really unsure. But even if it came down to it- I am a straight-up coward, and I am afraid to lose everything. I’m just so lost on what to do. When I left that meeting with the pastor, I won’t lie, I was so relieved I may not have to go to jail, and I could finally trust what someone was saying to an extent, but at the same time the weight hasn’t fully left, and I could have possibly taken the pastor’s words as scripture. I’m just so lost, and I haven’t been able to resolve this for years. I don’t know what God wants me to do. Or even what God wants to do with me at this rate. I’m tired of the uncertainty and anxiety, and I’m also terrified of what the right thing might require of me. At the end of the day, I might have to figure it out for myself, and I’m terrified, but I need to get past this and remove the curtains of confusion and self-deception. What should I do? How do I tell what God wants from me on my own when I can be lying to myself and just not ready to do what it takes?
I’m still speaking with my pastor, whom I trust, but I wasn’t entirely truthful, so in my follow-up I will also have to explain things as they are, and I worry the answer will change – the scheduling has been crazy, even because I might have to reschedule to fit my schedule, and I’ve already called them and gone over so many times to ask about scheduling; you’d think I lived there, so I’m even hesitant to call back when they’re open again but might have to. (We already finalized a day and time.)
I don’t think I’m going to make it to get past this point. I think I’m going to keep failing God, keep doing what the devil wants, and I’ll never be where I want. I feel I’ve already lost any hope there was for the situation, for any good outcome, because of the delays and inaction. I haven’t been motivated to read the Bible or pray, and I know I’m wrong in so many ways. My character is still trash; I don’t even know if I want to change, and even then I’ve got selfish wants. If I could, I’d avoid the consequences; that’s the truth, and I’m also very ambitious. I definitely forfeited the right to any of it when I committed the sins I did, but it still crushes me because it means a lot. I don’t know if I have any faith, anything real to work with. I see all these people who are in good shape faith-wise, who are at least closer to God and don’t have to worry about things like this, and I envy them, and it feels impossible to ever get to that point. Where I finally get back to God, where I finally get somewhere.
I pray and pray God understands that I’m just a really trashy human, but I don’t know if I’ll even change, if I’ll ever be anything else. I just feel like a mistake. I’ve hurt so many people and the damage I’ve caused I can’t fix if I wanted to. Sometimes I question whether my conscience is still there because I don’t even know if my remorse is real. I’m doing all the surface things, watching videos on how to be better and stuff, but until I really address the bigger situation and actually get back to God, I’ll always be this way. I try having a heart-to-heart, and I just end up stopping – I end up not even knowing if what I’m saying is real, and I just stop. Or I say something and immediately backtrack.
I don’t know how to finally get serious and move forward.
I’m just so lost, and I don’t know what to do.
Answer:
While I understand you don’t want to think about it, would you mind telling me what you did that got you into this state of mind? Right now, I don’t know whether you are blowing something out of proportion or if this involves more people than just you.
In general, U.S. law discourages self-incrimination. I don’t know whether this applies to your case.
Question:
Hi,
I’m only seeing this now. I know it may seem like it, but I’m not exaggerating, and it does involve other people.
I hope you don’t mind if I expand and vent a little?
I left out some parts in my post, and I feel I’ve recently made things worse. I feel I never fully looked at the severity, and maybe my conscience is broken because it’s undeniable, but my actions don’t match it, and I’ve treated everything more laxly because I’m too scared to do anything. The main thing I left out of my post was that the main thing kind of torturing me is this bad sin I have, which is staring lustfully; whether compulsive or not, I’m not sure, but it’s the lasting effect of my more serious sin, which may have legal repercussions, and every day I go to school it happens with whoever I’m around, and so I re-enter the situation every day I don’t address things, but again I’m too scared to.
I put on this whole facade around the teachers, and it feels like I’m deceiving them. Lately it’s been worse, and it’s basically new damage. I’m supposed to see my pastor, but I’ve rescheduled a lot. I know there’s a level of wickedness to it, and if I’d taken action sooner, none of this damage would exist, but again, I’m a coward. The staring probably started out on purpose and then got out of control.
I feel in the essence of my soul, in my very being, that I’m inherently lustful and wicked ever since I was younger; without exaggeration, I was cruel for no reason. Now I feel it could definitely still be there, but in the worst way, where I lie to myself because the least I can do is be honest about it. I feel I might never change – that it’s impossible, or maybe I don’t even want to. I’m not sure if I want to. The conscience I have feels false. I’ve got nothing real to work with. It’s like I’m a gift that keeps on giving, but it’s a curse. Why did God make me, knowing I’d be like this? I was a stubborn and wicked kid when I was younger, and if I had never been born, or if I had just gone to heaven sooner, then none of this would’ve happened. I know free will exists, but why would He create me knowing I’d do some of the worst things to a person- that it would define me- destroy me existentially? I don’t even know if I have remorse, if it’s even real, if it’s there. All I know right now is acknowledgment and the sinking feeling that I’ve severely messed up and can’t ignore it anymore.
And the little hope I had for the outcome is gone. I’ve got big dreams and ambitions, and the thing is those dreams I really hold them dear to myself and it’s like they’re so close yet so far like I can almost touch them with how I envision it and I have a feeling like they’re could really be possible but again it’s just a feeling and so the hope was that the people I’ve hurt with my sins would heal, I’d make amends where amends can be made, and if it comes down to consequences maybe my future isn’t completely destroyed that maybe there’d be some mercy- now I have lost hope in it entirely because it matters what you do and when you do it and I know I’ve most likely missed the right time to do the right thing and whatever God’s plan was or is in terms of my next steps – several times, but again I’m a huge coward and so basically I feel as though enough time has passed that I’ve missed the chance for any of it to be possible and especially with the new damage. I was going to go with the mindset that whatever cards I’m dealt, if I do everything I can, I can earn those dreams and ambitions, but I’ve wasted a lot of time, and I chose my own comfort over the right thing, so now it feels more than impossible.
The person I want to be, I can visualize it so clearly, but the person I’ve been – who I am now- it feels impossible. It feels like every day I’m fading away completely more and more from God and sinking worse than before. Feels like soon there will be nothing to show God that I’m worth trying for still- worth giving another chance.
I don’t know how to face God after all this because I haven’t prayed or read the Bible, and when I do pray, I say I’ll do better and immediately backtrack. And even then, how do I face God after everything? After going to school and causing that damage?
It feels like no matter what I do, there’s no hope for the situation, and no matter what I do, I can’t hear God. I don’t know what He wants me to do, or I just don’t have the guts to- what I do know is I can’t hear Him.
And if the answer is to face the consequences, then my worry is my family because I’ve already made them suffer so much, and if they’re caught in the fallout- it’s just terrible on them. I know I can’t control outcomes, but I’d like to strongly hope that God would at least spare them from my mess, but what if he doesn’t?
And in the face of human judgment, I have no leg to stand on- nothing I can say with certainty that’s real in me to say there’s actually something worth trying with this person, like maybe there’s some redemption for this person- something that shows I can receive some sort of mercy, and I fear the people I’ve hurt will never forgive me, understandably, and that they’d never heal.
That’s mostly it. I apologize if that’s a lot; I just have no one to talk to about this, and I could use some support and advice.
Answer:
I don’t mind listening and replying. I would like to give you some solid advice, but other than a hint that what you’ve done involves staring at people with lust and something you consider worse, I don’t have much to go on. You asked me to be blunt, but that means you need to be blunt with me about what you’ve done. If it would help to be more direct, we can set up a video chat.
I noted that you feel you must earn God’s favor. That is not correct. We are required to be righteous because we wish to be in fellowship with God, but even our best efforts will fail, and God understands that.
“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world” (I John 1:5-2:2 NAS95)
God talks with us through His Word: the Bible. We talk with God through our prayers. People often want to claim that God is directly guiding them through their feelings, but you will not find that in the Bible. In the days of the prophets, God told them what messages to deliver. A few times, He spoke directly with individuals, such as Abraham, Moses, and Job. God didn’t communicate through vague feelings. He has always communicated through words. If you want to know what you need to do to please God, you read His “instruction manual to mankind.” In this way, God treats each of us equally. “For there is no partiality with God” (Romans 2:11).
God allows everyone the freedom to choose. You’ve made some bad choices in the past, but you are not locked into them. You can still make better choices. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (I Corinthians 10:13). God wants you saved. The only question is whether you will choose to submit to God’s teachings.
Question:
Hi,
You’re absolutely right; there isn’t much to say if you don’t know the specifics, and I wish I could share them, but I feel like I can’t. And I do want to thank you for taking the time to talk and help me all this time. You have been a big help to me, and I really appreciate your patience and understanding.
I do think you can help me with something, though. I’m a very weak person. I’m a coward, and I’m selfish, and I’m in a state where I may never change unless I finally take action. I’m scared of what God’s will is in my situation. So there’s a bunch of double-mindedness and confusion about what to do. Maybe my guilt, if it’s even real, is telling me to go one way, and God’s telling me to go another way. Or the other way around, especially since ultimately I’m terrified of facing legal consequences and losing everything.
How do I cut through all the self-deception and confusion and fear and finally just get to a point where I know what god wants me to do? The Bible even says that if you ask god for something but are double-minded, you won’t get much answer. I feel like that’s my case. I’m trying to read the Bible, and I just feel like it’s not speaking to me, but maybe that’s because I haven’t read it enough? Or read the right passage? I just know I need to take action.
Another thing I hope you can help me with- in terms of the lustful staring. It happens at school, and it’s either deliberate or compulsive, but I know it makes the people around me uncomfortable. I sometimes get to a point where I just let it happen because I don’t know how to stop or don’t have the will to. How do I approach god after that? Especially when it’s affecting my classmates?
Again, thank you so much for your help and insight. God bless.
Answer:
When you know you don’t measure up to God’s standard, you work on improving yourself. It takes time, and the effort is hard, but people can change. When the Bible says not to be double-minded (James 1:5-6) it is talking about not asking for something while at the same time not being willing to put the effort in to achieve what you desire. God will do the hard things that you can’t, but that doesn’t mean that God will do all the work. He expects you to try.
So, when you are ready, let me know, and we’ll talk about the things you are afraid to mention (James 5:16). To combat selfishness, start volunteering to help others (Acts 20:35). We know God’s will from what He told us in the Bible. In every conflict between feelings and Scripture, we can trust that Scripture is always right (John 17:17).
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” (Job 31:1). Job made up his mind, and he wasn’t going to go against what he was determined to do. If you need to stare while you think, focus on an object in the room instead of a person. If you catch yourself staring and realize that sexual urges are stirring, purposely focus on something else for a while.
No one can make you change. God won’t force you to change. However, you can choose to change because of your love for God and your fellow people.
Question:
I don’t trust anything in me to be real, but based on what you said, I think I’m going to try. Can I ask God to help me want to change? If that desire isn’t already there?
Answer:
God already wants you to improve. You have to supply the desire to meet God’s expectations of you. You can ask God to help you improve and help you see what you need to change. Understand that it won’t always be easy, but you can trust that the result will be good for you.