Question:
Hello,
I would like to ask you another question. It’s been a while since I last wrote you and I must say that you helped me with the issue I was talking about then.
I am using masturbation without porn or lustful thoughts to control my excess semen. However, I still feel super guilty afterward, and I tell myself that this is the last time. I realize that this feeling comes from me deciding that it is wrong. Like you stated in a previous reply “you can’t call something a sin when God did not label it as such.” That comment helped me a lot, but I’ve just been feeling very angry lately. I think it is because I feel spiritually weak from masturbating. I try to let wet dreams do their thing, but I don’t have them much, and when I do, it is very uncomfortable and sometimes painful because of my sleep position.
I’m not sure that I really have a question for you, but I need someone to talk to about this matter.
Answer:
When multiple things happen at the same time, we have a tendency to focus on one item — usually the one that involves action. You are getting angry and you are also masturbating often because your body is producing a lot of semen. It is easy to say that the anger is caused by the masturbation, but there is something you’ve overlooked.
You are in the midst of changing from a child to an adult. Your hormones have risen dramatically to cause these changes, but they have other effects as well. One effect is that your glands respond to the hormones by increasing your production of semen. A lot of semen leads to you masturbating frequently to get relief. A second effect is that high testosterone levels makes guys feel more aggressive and easily angered. Thus, the anger is caused by the same thing that is causing you to masturbate more, but the masturbation is not causing you to be angry.
I’m not certain why you are finding wet dreams to be uncomfortable or painful. Could you explain what is happening?
Question:
I’m 18 so I guess I truly am turning into an adult. The slightest thing can make me mad, like hearing someone slurp on a cup of coffee. I don’t want to be mad so I try hard to ignore it, but it doesn’t work the best.
Secondly, I think the reason my wet dreams are painful is because of tighter underwear. I don’t have many wet dreams, but when I do, they aren’t comfortable. I tried sleeping naked but that gets me aroused and causes me to want to masturbate even more.
Answer:
One of the causes of anger is attempting to control things that can’t be controlled. You end up frustrated and your anger builds. Thus, if someone slurps their coffee, consider the situation from the other person’s point of view (their coffee is too hot to drink). Consider whether there is really any harm to you hearing someone else make some noise. In other words, why is it so important for you to have silence imposed on another person? “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). And finally, purposely tell the annoying person something that you genuinely like about him. Thinking and saying such things changes the track of your own thoughts.
I would suggest that you find something else to wear while sleeping. Find a pair of loose-fitting pajama shorts or boxers. That should make a good compromise between tight underwear and nothing at all.
Question:
Thank you for the help. I truly try to tune it out, but I think I’m focusing so much on not being mad that the opposite is happening.
Answer:
Yes, that happens. If you are told not to think of something, you have to think of it first. Thus, you keep the idea foremost in your mind. That is why I suggested doing things to get yourself to think about good things about the person who is annoying you. It takes some effort, but it does pull the plug on your anger.