Question:
Hey Sir,
I do have some questions regarding lustful thoughts and stuff related to that. I don’t watch pornography, but that alone doesn’t mean I haven’t sinned.
At first, I didn’t know what porn was until I was around 16 years old. I am almost 17 and want to behave just as it’s written in the Bible and put the Lord Jesus first.
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t talk much with girls. I simply smile and struggle just to talk or even ask a question, which is really annoying.
Is it right to think occasionally about girls at this age? I never had any girlfriends or even many friends in middle school. Is it OK to desire a biblically strong friend? I don’t have any problems with guys, and I could make great friends with them.
Is it wrong to think about someone while masturbating [if the urges are getting too strong] but not do anything unlawful, such as lewdness? (You know what I am talking about when I include lewdness?)
Is it wrong to think of touching anyone (not me doing the touching but someone else)?
What do you do if the urges are disturbing your daily activities? How do you avoid them? Isn’t there anything more than just simply stimulating yourself, or do we wait for a wet dream?
What is porn? I am still confused about the meaning. I grew up in a wonderful family who puts the Lord first and obeys Him alone, everything according to His Word. We attend gatherings at home, and the teachings are just from the biblical point of view with nothing extra. There is no tithing, and not just one man preaches. Many people who accepted His Word were full families. We were Catholics years ago and did not behave according to the Lord, but we have changed since then. So are videos like on YouTube or lewd pictures of poorly clothed girls on any website considered porn?
If we have sexual desires so high for a moment that we cannot control them until the next wet dream and need to masturbate to keep the thoughts in control, what is this a right or wrong way to handle this? Is it possible to masturbate without sinning? Since masturbation in itself, as you mentioned, is neither right nor wrong, and the desires are just like those we have for eating, drinking, or going to the restroom.
Sometimes, I think about girls domineering me but lewdly, which is unlawful. However, I dream about them being clothed as well. This is my current state of what I may occasionally think.
I usually cast them away in the Lord’s name if such thoughts arise. It’s great, but I am still not satisfied with how pure in heart I am to the LORD regarding these things, which I have been worrying about for 14-15 years.
I am sorry for making you read this long and kind of embarrassing message; it would be really great if you could back up your words or explain where I am going wrong.
May the Lord Jesus bless you! Thank you!
Answer:
Pornography is defined as any material that is intended to arouse your sexual desire, usually through the depiction of acts related to sex. It is designed to shock the viewer with how sex is depicted because that causes your heart rate to increase and you to tense up, which in turn leads to erections and the feeling that you need to ejaculate soon. Oddly, images of poorly dressed girls can be more seductive than outright nudes because what is covered is left to the imagination, and we tend to fill in the gaps with more alluring ideas than exist in reality. You are finding the domineering ideas alluring because, initially, the concept shocked you, which led to you ejaculating. This sets up a pattern that you have repeated often enough to become a habit.
Extra reading:
At your age, sexual feelings are new, which makes you vulnerable to temptation because you lack experience in controlling your feelings. It is very normal to be attracted to girls, yet you may find interacting with them difficult. Girls tend to be more verbal than boys. Boys tend to do things. Girls tend to talk about things. Boys have trouble finding words to express their thoughts. Have you ever noticed a set of men working together on a project? They don’t say a lot, but they seem to know exactly what is needed to complete the tasks. But observe a group of women working. They also accomplish their tasks, but it is accompanied by a lot of talking about various subjects, many of which have nothing to do with their work. I’m not saying one is better, but the approach is different and gender-oriented. There is something about men that makes verbal communication a second language, making interacting with women challenging for men.
The problem with thinking about someone when you are masturbating is that you tend to think about inappropriate sexual situations. It is a natural tendency because you are stimulating yourself. This can lead to problems in the future if you find yourself tempted and that person is involved. For Christians, the appropriate thing is to avoid things that might lead to sin (I Thessalonians 5:22). “Don’t enter into the path of the wicked. Don’t walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, and don’t pass by it. Turn from it, and pass on” (Proverbs 4:14-15).
If you find your thoughts challenging to control, the first step is to find something that keeps you active and busy, such as going for a run. The purpose is to make sure this isn’t a temptation because you are bored and want to entertain yourself. If the thoughts persist and it isn’t close to bedtime, then you can decide whether you can wait or whether you need to relieve yourself. If you can wait, then expect a wet dream that night. If you decide you can’t wait, at least your heart rate is already up, so it won’t be difficult to masturbate. Either way, stay away from all electronics until after you ejaculate. What you will find is that masturbating without looking at porn and trying to avoid sexual thoughts isn’t as exciting or “fun.” However, Christians should not be looking for pleasure in sin. If you badly need to ejaculate, it won’t take you all that long to reach orgasm. If it isn’t happening, then consider it a false alarm. Go on about your day. Most likely, you will find that your thoughts have calmed down a bit.