Am I cheating myself by waiting until marriage to have sex?

Last updated on September 25, 2020



I am an average boy. I have a reserved nature, so I am not a social or an open person. I don’t have any hobbies or passions. Not like today’s boys who are smart, good looking, and charming.

I have seen lots of trouble in my life since I was a child. My father divorced my mother and left me alone. After that, I had bad experiences with my uncle and aunt’s marriage life. As a result, I’m afraid of getting married.

I want to ask: I have not had sex yet because I want to have the experience with my life partner after getting married. But now I have a fear that if my future partner is not a virgin, then what should I do? What if she does not tell me before we get married, or should I ask her before getting married? I am feeling guilty about myself and cheated that I have waited for so long of a time. Is that my fault or am I a fool?

Please clarify my question. Please do the needful for me.

Thanks and regards.


By waiting until marriage for sex:

  • You are removing the risk of becoming a father while you are young. Supporting your child for the next twenty years without getting to see your child much.
  • You are removing the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease that might ruin your health for the rest of your life or shorten your life.
  • You are able to see girls as human beings instead of being an object to have sex with.
  • You are actually able to be friends with a girl instead of focusing on sex.
  • You know you have self-control.
  • You are missing out on break-ups as people hop from one bed to another.
  • You are creating a more stable marriage.
  • But most of all you know that you are pleasing God.

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

You are borrowing fears about the future that you don’t know actually exist. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34).

If you happen to fall in love with a woman who is not a virgin, you need to ask yourself if this was due to a mistake that she regretted and she is no longer the same person she used to be. If she thinks having sex outside of marriage is not wrong, then you would need to find a different woman to marry.