Am I homosexual if I had dreams of having sex with guys?

Last updated on October 7, 2020


Hi Mr. Jeffrey,

I’m 18 years old. There are some problems which are really bothering me. I used to watch straight and gay porn, and they both turned me on. I read the Q & A on your website, but I’m still feeling confused. I’m still a virgin, attracted by girls, and I don’t want to have sex with boys or be with them. I think it makes me feel uncomfortable. But I can be turned on by nudity of men. I had sex with boys several times in my dreams and I hated this when I woke up. So what should I do to become straight? I have been bothered for several years.

Really looking forward to your reply. Thanks in advance.


Your problem originates with your viewing of pornography. Pornography uses sexual images to trap people into a cycle of desire. But in doing so it presents a perverted (twisted) view of sex that doesn’t match reality. The focus is entirely on self-pleasure with no care about the people being viewed. Since it is the topic of sex that is at the center, non-normal forms of sex, such as homosexuality are used to shock the viewer. Of course, there is a physical reaction to what is being seen, but the viewer never stops to consider why he is getting aroused. Thus, he soon convinced that he needs pornography and twisted forms of sex to be aroused.

I know homosexuals don’t like homosexuality being called perverted, but the word means crocked or twisted from the proper path. Inadvertently they agree to that portrayal when they call heterosexual sex “straight.” Straight or upright is the opposite of perverted or twisted. “For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due” (Romans 1:26-27).

However, I want you to notice that by biblical terms, homosexuality is an action done. Lust for homosexuality is a strong desire for sex with another man to the point of being willing to justify it even though you know it is wrong. By this view, you are neither a homosexual (you never had sex with another guy) nor are you lusting for homosexuality (you don’t like the thought of it).

However, you filled your mind with images of homosexuality and that is beginning to influence your thinking. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’” (I Corinthians 15:33). When you have a wet dream, your brain pulls up images that have been filed under “erotic.” It doesn’t care whether you like it or not. It just remembers that it aroused you in the past. Since you can’t control the contents of your dreams, while you are masturbating in your sleep bits and pieces of things you’ve seen in the past are combined with other images to create something erotic. This doesn’t mean you are inclined to be a homosexual. It means you have been tempted with homosexuality. Whether you choose to sin or not is still up to you.

Yes, nudity is associated with sex, whether male or female. But what you might find arousing or tempting does not mean you have sinned. It is when you have sex outside of marriage or you actively promote sex outside of marriage in your mind that it becomes sinful.

You need to stop corrupting your thoughts. Stop looking at pornography. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). If nudity or near-nudity is seen, look elsewhere, whether it is male or female. “I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman?” (Job 31:1).

By actively selecting what you look at, you will be better able to control your thoughts. When you are able to control your thoughts, your body follows along because, in reality, it doesn’t care. Your body desires sex, what kind of sex doesn’t make a difference to the physical body. That is where your spirit must rule over it. “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified” (I Corinthians 9:27).