Question:
“For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things” (1 John 3:20 KJV).
I’ve been having a feeling of guilt after masturbating and going to church. I did not have lustful thoughts in my mind, and neither did I watch porn, but I still felt shame. When I did, I started thinking that the reason I felt that way was because I cared about the opinions of people, and my heart wanted to deceive me into believing masturbation is a sin against God when it really isn’t. When we feel condemned for no reason, we can rest in the fact that God is greater than our emotions or guilt. He knows our hearts fully and doesn’t condemn us based on false or unnecessary feelings of guilt. His grace and understanding give us peace, even when our hearts don’t. Even though God has transformed our hearts as believers, we can still experience feelings of guilt or self-condemnation. Our hearts might accuse or blame us, even when those accusations aren’t true or justified.
Anyway, I have some questions for you, minister:
- Can masturbation become an addiction?
- When a Christian masturbates, does it mean they have a lack of self-control?
Answer:
One definition of addiction is “Addiction is when you have a need or urge to do something or use something that can interfere with your functioning in other areas of your life” [“What is addiction?” HealthDirect]. Therefore, just about anything could become an addiction. For example, eating sugary things is pleasurable, but that usually doesn’t interfere with someone’s life. However, if a person chases after the pleasure and keeps eating sugary things even though they have diabetes, then you could say they are addicted to sugar.
Ejaculating gives a pleasurable feeling. That doesn’t make it wrong. However, if you chase after the pleasure, that can tempt you to make the wrong decisions. For example, if you want pleasure so badly that you’ll watch pornography, even though you know it is wrong, just so you can masturbate, then you have a problem. If you spend all your evenings masturbating instead of getting your homework done, then you have a problem.
Ejaculating is a bodily function. You can exert some self-control by delaying for a bit, but there is a limit. You can put off eating food for a longer period, but there is still a limit. Ejaculating also can be put off, but there comes a time when it must happen, whether by a wet dream or masturbating. The fact that you ejaculated doesn’t mean you lacked self-control.
When someone decides to lose weight by not eating, he eventually gives in and eats. But he doesn’t eat a reasonable amount. He gorges himself. Was that a lack of self-control or an instinctive response by his body to being pushed too far? Another person decides to eat a little less than he usually does. He wants more, but he restrains himself. Instinct doesn’t take over. Which person exhibits self-control?
When a person puts off ejaculating for too long, instinct takes over. I’ve talked to guys who become extremely irritable and angry when they haven’t ejaculated in a while. Others start doing things that are out of character for them, such as putting their hands down their pants, taking clothes off, etc., when they are not paying attention. Thus, self-control is better maintained when a guy ejaculates when it is needed.