Last updated on September 15, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I was over my girlfriend’s house last Wednesday and we were sitting in her room when all of a sudden we started to tease each other, then we both became horny. Her grandma was in the living room watching TV and my girlfriend had the idea of touching her vagina with my penis. I drip fluid when I’m aroused, but before I touched it I checked my glans twice to see if it contained sperm. I didn’t see any so I just did it — I touched it and went in a little, then we went on with our lives as if nothing happened.
I started to search for stuff about pregnancy, and it says that girls have severe cramping while they’re becoming pregnant. Her period started on Monday and her cramps were really really bad. I’m scared. I never saw her with bad cramping like that before. Now she says that her throat hurts and she has a headache today, Oh, what have I done? It’s really getting me worried now! I’m scared of what might happen to my life if she becomes pregnant. Are those part of what happens during pregnancy? Because I believe it is. She doesn’t think she’s pregnant. She thinks it’s just normal stuff she gets, but I think it’s not.
I didn’t even want to do it, but my stupid self didn’t say anything to resist it!
Please tell me, do you think she’s pregnant? Will birth control pills will prevent her from being pregnant or is it too late? I’m really worried! I cried last night and thought of crying each night about that day. I asked God if He could not let her become pregnant every night, and I feel like it’s not helping. Do you think He’s mad at me for what I’ve done?
Please help me, please! My life will be ruined if my parents know that I’ve made a 15-year-old girl pregnant! Please! Reply as soon as possible. The first day my dad knew we’re dating he said to me if he hears I’ve had any sexual contact with a girl he’ll kick me out the house! Now I’m definitely scared. Should I tell her that she might become pregnant?
Answer:
“Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17).
I find it interesting that though you knew it was wrong and that it might lead to pregnancy, you did it anyway. But now that you fear that pregnancy might actually have happened, you are scared. As I’ve mentioned before to many guys, when you get strongly aroused, the part of your mind that judges risks shut down. It is one reason why you don’t fool around with sexual things, even if it does feel good.
Notice also that this sin didn’t bother you until you realized you might get caught. Now, after the fact, you are asking God to let your sin not have consequences. Why would you expect God to help you out since you willingly sinned? “Behold, the LORD’S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear” (Isaiah 59:1-2). I know you regret what you did, but it appears that your only regret is that it might be discovered and its possible consequences. It doesn’t sound as if you regret putting your penis where it did not belong.
Even though you are still a boy, you have to accept responsibility for your choices and your actions.
There is a reason Paul said, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (I Corinthians 7:1). Sexual touching only belongs in marriage. But you were also involved in lust because you were wanting to do what was wrong, and you were involved in lewd behavior. You both exposed your genitals while sexually aroused to someone who had no business seeing them.
Can a girl get pregnant from what you did? The possibility always exists. Your pre-ejaculate fluid can contain sperm. You can’t see sperm with your naked eye. Millions of sperm cells can fit in a drop the size of the head of a pin. What you are confusing is semen. Semen is milky in color and the lack of it just means you had not ejaculated yet. Semen can contain a half-billion sperm cells in each ejaculation. But pre-ejaculate fluid could contain a few cells. It only takes one cell meeting up with a woman’s egg at the right time to cause fertilization. The odds are low, but they are not zero because you placed your fluids in her vagina.
While the odds of pregnancy are low, the odds of passing a sexually transmitted disease is much higher since you touched skin to skin with fluids present. I assume you were both virgins, so that danger isn’t present in this case, but you need to be aware of the risk you took.
If your girlfriend started her period, then she is not pregnant. The time a girl can get pregnant is two weeks before the start of her next period. You put your penis in her only a few days before her period. The thing you need to realize, however, is that a girl’s period is not always predictable. She could have been late this month. In addition, a man’s sperm can survive up to six days in a woman. Due to variable times in a woman’s period, there is no guaranteed time when a woman can’t get pregnant from your sperm.
Another risk that you took was that you could have ejaculated from the excitement. You also could have lost full control. Your body is designed to have sex. Notice that while you intended to just touch her vagina, you went in further than you intended. It would not have taken much for you to have gone all the way in and there would have been little you would have done to resist it. You were playing with fire.
“Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent” (Proverbs 6:27-29).
Solomon points out the problem when he asked, “Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27). You can show a hot coal all the affection you want. You can cuddle it and dote on it and it will still burn you. Your kindness to it doesn’t change its nature. How often do you hear someone say, “But I love him!” Solomon’s point is that your feelings toward your girlfriend won’t change the fact that both of you have built-in desires and capabilities for sex. Trigger them and they follow the instincts built into you.
Solomon also asked, “Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?” (Proverbs 6:28). Using the same example of hot coal, if you walk on it, it will burn you. You can apologize and say you didn’t mean to step on it, but you’ll still be hurt because your intentions don’t change what it is. Thus, the excuse, “But I didn’t mean for it to go this far!” becomes an empty one because your intentions don’t change your body’s drive.
That is why Solomon concludes, “So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent” (Proverbs 6:29). Though he is talking directly about adultery, the same point is true about fornication. When you start intentionally stirring up sexual feelings, you are never innocent when things go further than you wanted. Regardless of the fact that your girlfriend is not pregnant, the point is that you are not innocent either.