Last updated on October 4, 2020
Question:
Is it wrong if I don’t talk to my loved one? My girlfriend irritated me, and she felt sorry for that later. We’re okay again. This has happened many times, but the last time I was very depressed by her activity. I forgave her from my heart, but I don’t want to express it to her. I’m just staying calm, not talking to her, and even not attending to her phone calls. I’m doing this because I don’t want to hate her again. But I pray for her daily. Is it a sin to avoid her?
Answer:
You are not being honest with yourself. “Forgive” means to release someone from a debt owed to you. You treat the person as if the problem hasn’t occurred. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten the problem because we can’t erase our memories, but you can treat the issue as one that no longer matters.
Saying you’ve forgiven someone, while at the same time refusing to talk to them like you did before is not forgiveness. It isn’t even a willingness to forgive because you do not give the person a chance to apologize. Forgiveness is granting another person a favor. You are pardoning them of some wrong that they have committed against you, fully releasing them from any debt that they may owe you. We can see this in the forgiveness that God has offered us. “Indeed it was for my own peace that I had great bitterness; but You have lovingly delivered my soul from the pit of corruption, for You have cast all my sins behind Your back” (Isaiah 38:17). To place something behind your back is to remove it from the forefront of your thoughts. It is no longer considered and when the person is view it is no longer the first thing of which you think.
Forgiveness is required of Christians. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). It is so important that a Christian is told to tell the person who harmed him what is wrong so that the issue can be resolved and forgiveness can be offered. “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3).
If she regularly annoys you, then consider breaking up with her and finding a new girlfriend. But stop pretending that she is your girlfriend and that you’ve forgiven her when you won’t even speak to her.