Last updated on June 4, 2022
Question:
Hi,
I was wondering if sex creates fake feelings for one another. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now, and 3 months ago, we fell into fornication. We realized after our grave mistake and set up boundaries to stop committing that sin. We were faith-filled afterward and on track but slipped up again two months later.
When we removed sex we felt the love of God for each other. We have a true friendship and she feels like my best friend. I care about her a lot and love her. But I’m scared those feelings are fake and just caused by the sex we had months ago. We both have the desire to marry each other, but we are scared God wouldn’t will it for us because of our mistakes. Through these months I’ve uncovered all her flaws and her qualities, yet I look past them because I love her.
I was reading an article about Christian couples that sin sexually, and it said as one of the proposals is to take a meaningful break. We started this break today and plan on it for 21 days.
I want to marry her and I feel I could spend the rest of my life with her, but I’m not sure if those feelings are fake and if God wouldn’t will this relationship because of the mistakes we made.
Thank you and God bless.
Answer:
If you are going to make a decision about who you will marry based on feelings, you are going to be sorely disappointed. Feelings are unreliable and change. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). To make a wise decision, I have a series of lessons for you to learn:
I suspect that one of the reasons you ended up having sex was because you are following your feelings. At the moment, your body wanted sex and it overcame your reasoning. I’m glad you are making changes to limit your temptations. Don’t fall for the trap of thinking you can go partway and not fall into fornication. Sins occur before you take your clothes off, such as lust, sexual touching, and lewd behavior. These naturally progress toward sex and when you are aroused, you don’t think clearly.
When sex enters into a relationship, it tends to dominate. All the couple does is focus on when the next time they can jump into bed together. Growing the relationship stalls and falls apart as a result. You two have not yet reached that point, but sin tends to be progressive. It is going to take both of you working hard against the temptation to stop it.
Thus, I would recommend that you stop worrying about whether the feelings are real or not. Feelings are not the basis of a good relationship. Logically decide whether she is the type of woman you want to live with for the rest of your life. And she must do the same in regards to you. If you conclude that you can make it work as a team, then layout your marriage plans.