Last updated on March 27, 2023
Question:
Hi,
I have a question about something I did a while ago. When I was about 13 years old, a friend got me into masturbation, then he showed me pornography and I started watching it. I didn’t really know that it was a sin because I didn’t know much about God’s laws, so I kept doing it.
Then one day he was masturbating. I don’t know what happened or if he asked me, but I touched his weaner for about 20 seconds, and he did the same to me. I’m definitely not into men because that’s not me. I just had no idea what I was doing, and now it’s been hunting me because I will have to tell the minister all of my sins so that they can be washed away. I just don’t know how to explain it to him.
Also when I was about 3 or 4 years old, I was with a friend who was female and my sister, who was around 3 years old. We were all sitting around. I don’t know why but we got undressed and started kissing each other’s private parts. It wasn’t sexual because we had no idea what it was and it was a quick kiss thing. It’s also been hunting me. I just don’t know how to explain it because I was only 3 or 4 years old, and I had no idea what anything meant.
I’ve had a very weird and bad life that I just want to restart, but I don’t think I have the guts to explain it and confess all my sins so that I can be reborn and baptized with the Holy Spirit. Maybe you can help.
Thanks.
Answer:
When guys get sexually aroused, they don’t think very well. You got aroused watching your friend masturbate and that led you and him to do things you would not consider appropriate in a normal state of mind. A friend who leads you into sins is not much of a friend.
I hope you have stopped the pornography. For an explanation of why pornography is wrong, see A Look at Pornography.
When I hear of children acting in a sexual way, my first guess is that one of them had been sexually abused. Children will sometimes act out their abuse with other children. I would hazard a guess and say that the female friend probably had been abused. Since you were a child and did not know the significance of what you were doing, it isn’t held against you.
There is no requirement in the Bible to confess your sins to a preacher in order to be saved. What God teaches is that when we realize that we have done wrong, we sorrow over our failure. “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11). That sorrow causes us to change our behavior (repent) and that repentance is seen in our new behavior.
In order to gain forgiveness for sin, God teaches us that we must admit our wrongs to Him. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). The confession of sin is to God and not some earthly man. That is because it is God whom we offended; thus, only God can release (forgive) us of our debt due to our sins. Christians do not have a mediator between themselves and God. Every Christian is a priest and has the right to approach God directly. “You also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ” (I Peter 2:5).
There is mention of confessing faults to each other. “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (James 5:16). But once again, there is no mention of going to a preacher or priest because all Christians are priests. The purpose of telling fellow Christians of our sins is to ask them to pray for us and with us as we seek God’s forgiveness. We can see this when Simon’s sin was pointed out to him. He asked Peter, “Pray to the Lord for me, that none of the things which you have spoken may come upon me” (Acts 8:24). The point is that any Christian is to do this for any other Christian.
Becoming a Christian does require a confession but it is not a confession of sin. We are required to confess that Jesus is the Son of God before others. “But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” — that is, the word of faith which we are preaching, that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation” (Romans 10:8-10). Faith and confession aren’t the only requirements, but they are essential. See: How to Become a Christian for additional details.
Finally, the baptism required in the New Testament is baptism in water. There was a baptism of the Holy Spirit, but it happened only twice and was for a limited time. See Baptisms of the New Testament.
Question:
Thank you very much. You truly helped me out.
Yes, I went from masturbating every day to once a month. Now I’m trying my best to completely stop. I don’t watch pornography videos anymore.
But I still want to talk to a pastor and ask what I should do about my issue of having wet dreams, fantasizing about sex, and all that.
Yes, that friend isn’t really a friend anymore. I’m not sure what to say about the child thing because I have no idea.
Answer:
You need to realize that as a male you have to ejaculate at times because you are constantly producing semen and your body has limited storage capacity. If you are able to have wet dreams, then that will take care of your body’s needs.
You can’t control your dreams and it is true that when a man has a wet dream, the content of those dreams can be inappropriate. However, they are not sinful because they are not controllable. Some people decide to avoid wet dreams by masturbating so that the dreams are less frequent. Others realize that there is nothing they can do but avoid putting bad images into their minds. Still others have trouble controlling their thoughts when masturbating and so prefer wet dreams. There is no absolute right answer for all people.
Daydreaming about sex is a different matter. Here you are awake and do have control. Like the heroine in Song of Solomon state when she started daydreaming about sex, “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Solomon 2:7). Daydreaming about sex arouses lust and lust can cause you to act sinfully. Let love develop at its own pace and don’t rush matters in your mind.