Last updated on October 11, 2020
First off I would like to say thank you for what you’re doing, and I hope you’re doing well.
I’ve been a struggling as a Christian for several years. Recently, I’ve been in a gay relationship, but I’ve come to terms that homosexuality is a temptation just like any other, and in order to follow Christ, I need not act on them and reject my same sex attractions. However, I still deeply love and care about this person, and I don’t want him going to hell. I would like to break it off with him and stay friends and hopefully lead him to Christ, but I have no idea how I’m going to, and it’s overwhelming me. Any wisdom or advice on the situation would be astoundingly appreciated.
You are correct that you cannot chase after sin and expect to catch the Lord. “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). This remains true regardless of the type of sin you pursue.
What I gather from your note is that while you realize that what you’ve been doing is wrong, the guy you’ve been having sex with doesn’t see it that way. This is going to cause problems because your lives are currently going in two different directions. The other guy typically won’t accept that his actions are wrong and so will actively try to get you to have sex again with him to prove you don’t mean what you’ve said. (By the way, this happens between couples involved in fornication as well.) In addition, people often convince themselves that sex means love. A refusal to have sex then means you don’t love them anymore. Thus, what is likely to happen is that he will try to seduce you into having sex. That will make it very difficult for you to keep your commitment to God.
There is a chance that he, too, understands that what you have been doing is wrong, but if you are not prepared to call off the friendship in order to stay with Christ, it probably won’t happen. You’ll eventually give in to the pressure.
Assuming that there is a chance that he also wants to change, you and he need to sit down and discuss what is wrong and why it is wrong. However, do this is a place where things can’t turn sexual easily. Expect him to be upset about it, but work at being reasonable and logical. Whether you can remain friends or not will depend on his reaction. If he agrees, then there is a chance for continued friendship.
“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26-27).