Last updated on September 24, 2020
I don’t know what to do anymore. For me, it’s just anxiety on different things again and again. The topic of my anxiety changes, but it’s still at its core, the same sickening feeling. I have to admit, suicidal thoughts have entered my mind more and more recently, I can’t stop the anxiety. It’s recently been about religion, but before that, it was things like health. I can’t take it anymore, I’ve been taking 5-HTP, but the anxiety comes back anyway. I’ve been praying, nothing works. Why did I have to be born with Asperger’s? Why can’t I be normal and happy? Should I just end it and be with Jesus? I just want peace.
Let’s start with the suicidal thoughts. I assume you are taking medication for your Asperger’s. One of the side-effects of these medications is suicidal thoughts, especially when the dosage is changed.
Regardless of the cause, suicide is never a solution. Since suicide is a form of murder where you are your own victim, it is a sin. Therefore, killing yourself won’t get you to heaven. See: Why Is Suicide a Sin?
People with Asperger’s need routine and consistency in their lives. They get anxious when things change. But the anxiety might not be focused on what actually changes; it can be focused on just about anything. And one of the hard parts of having Asperger’s is that once you are focused on a subject, it is hard to change course.
The supplement 5-HTP is suspected to help with anxiety, but it hasn’t been shown to be effective. The problem is that it isn’t deemed to be safe because there is an increased tendency to come down with a muscle disorder when taking 5-HTP. Scientists don’t know if it is the supplement itself or if there is some contaminant in the process of extracting the chemical. See: “5-HTP” on WebMD.
What works best is having someone to talk to you, to help you through your periods of anxiety. “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much” (James 5:16). You need someone to be an anchor for you when life gets turbulent.
Another thing that helps is to separate your emotions from the facts. Too often your emotions cloud the issues, but sitting back and looking at the actual facts makes things more clear. Sometimes it helps to write out the good and bad aspects of whatever problem you are facing in order to see things more clearly.