Last updated on September 21, 2021
Question:
Hello,
Thank you for your site. I am in my mid-twenties, and I am a new Christian. I am contacting you to get some biblical advice on sexuality. I am currently a virgin and waiting until marriage, although it does get very difficult. I try to keep my eyes on the Lord and what He desires from me.
I know it is sinful to be addicted to masturbation, and that is something I definitely don’t want. How would I know if I am addicted? I currently do the act about 2 times a week (rarely 3). I am also on a 2-week break from it (I really want to go longer) because I don’t want it to become an addictive habit. The reason I ask this is that after week one, I started noticing that my body had distracting sexual desires that I’ve tried to ignore. That’s why I am asking how would you know you were addicted.
Another question I do have is I really recently have a strong desire to get married and have kids so badly, but I know I have to wait. But it is a strong desire. Is that normal at this age?
Last question: Is it going into sensuality or sinfulness when you rub your leg or testicles or things like that while stimulating? I’ve had this question for a while. This is something I’ve tried to stop doing because I don’t know if it’s sinful.
Thank you. I really appreciate your site.
Answer:
How would you know if you are addicted to eating? After all, if you didn’t eat for a day, your hunger would get really strong, so that must mean you’re addicted, right? Of course, this is wrong because you know you have to eat.
The problem many people have is that they treat ejaculating as if it is optional. The male body from the time of adolescence starts producing semen and continues to produce semen for the rest of your life. The rate of production varies due to numerous factors, but it never truly stops. The glands that produce the semen can only hold so much semen before it has to be released to make room for more (just like your bladder has to empty once in a while to make room for more urine). The period needed for ejaculating can vary as much as once a month to twice a day — it all depends on how fast your body is producing semen. The average period is about twice a week for young men.
What happens if you try not to ejaculate? Well, signals are sent from your seminal vesicles that they are getting full. This causes your sex drive to rise. The longer you hold off, the higher your drive until something gives. For most guys, it means a loss of self-control and they end up sinning.
Ejaculating is not a sin. In fact, Leviticus 15:16-18 puts ejaculating in the same category as a woman having her monthly period (Leviticus 15:19-24). It was considered unclean under the Law of Moses, but it wasn’t sinful. Leviticus 15:18 covers rules about ejaculating during sex. The act of sex is not necessarily sinful. It can be sinful if you are having sex with someone you are not married to, but in marriage, sex is expected. Thus, it is not the release of semen that makes sex wrong, but who you are coupling with. Leviticus 15:16-17 covers rules when you ejaculate without a partner (wet dreams and masturbating). It is not sex because there is no one else involved. But like sex, the circumstances around the release of semen may be sinful, even though the releasing of semen is itself not sinful. If a boy uses lust for sexual sin to raise his sexual desire so he can ejaculate, then he is sinning. “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). While lust is not the same as the sexual act, it is an acceptance of sexual sin, and sin is never acceptable, even in our imaginations.
If you have a habit of watching pornography to excite yourself to a level that you can ejaculate, then you have a problem with sin (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). But if you are staying away from pornography and simply masturbate when the need to ejaculate is strong, then no sin is occurring. As a matter of fact, many guys regularly masturbate to keep their sexual desire down to a manageable level so that they will not lose control when they are tempted. What you are noticing since you delayed ejaculating is that your sexual desire is rising to a dangerous level.
In order for a male to release semen, the body is designed to require physical touch to cause the actual release. It is instinctively built into guys. Touching the genitals is the most obvious, but there are other areas on the body that are also wired for sexual stimulation — the scrotum, inside thighs, and nipples are some examples of areas of secondary sexual stimulation.
It is perfectly normal for young men to want to get married and have children. That is why you have a sex drive. This is why, historically, men tend to get married as soon as they are earning a living. In the past, the average age was 21 for marriage. In recent times, the average age to marry has shifted to around 27-28. A contributing factor to this shift has been society’s acceptance of sexual sins as being “normal.” Despite society’s pressure to wait, there is nothing wrong with a guy getting married in his early twenties. Sure, it will take work and planning, but it is doable.
Response:
Thank you so much Minister. God bless you and the ministry.