Last updated on September 17, 2020
I really need help. I have two problems which I think you can help me with. I’ve accepted Jesus two years ago and it really led me to changing the things that I’m doing before. When I was not yet a Christian I had sex with both men and women. Right now I feel like I’m being aroused more on looking at a man’s body, and I don’t want to be gay. I’m also having problems controlling masturbation because I really felt bad about myself whenever I’m doing it. I had stopped it before and promise myself not to do it again but whenever circumstances come, it leads me to masturbation.
Can you help me?
That your body remembers that you can be sexually stimulated by a man is not surprising. And now that you accept that homosexuality is wrong, that actually adds more temptation simply because you know it is wrong. “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17). A part of arousal is excitement and knowing that something is wrong gets your heart pumping harder.
Just because your body gets turned on, it doesn’t mean you have to drop your pants. If you are getting aroused over the wrong things, you can simply walk away from it. If you don’t want to be a homosexual, you don’t have to have homosexual sex.
Sadly, people let their emotions and their feelings drive their choices. But feelings can be deceived. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26). Feelings should result from the choices you make and not determine which choice you make.
For the same reason, just because a guy gets sexually excited over a girl, it is no reason for him to crawl into bed with her. Sex outside of marriage is wrong, just as sex with the same gender is wrong.
As Paul told the Corinthians, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God” (I Corinthians 6:9-11). The Bible doesn’t say that “accepting Jesus” is the way to become a Christian. I know it is popularly taught, but I would rather that you listen to God instead of men. Here are some articles I would like you to consider:
Most guys have the mistaken idea that they can control their bodies by stopping themselves from ejaculating. But the male body needs to ejaculate periodically to get rid of excess semen, which is constantly being produced. Self-control comes by managing your body, not in denying what it requires.
If you are using pornography or lustful thoughts about someone to get yourself aroused in order to ejaculate, then that needs to stop. Such things are sinful. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Rather, wait until your body strongly needs to ejaculate and if a wet dream doesn’t come, then simply take care of the need — much as you would use the toilet when you need to urinate. Keep your mind off of evil thoughts, which will be hard at first because of your old habits, and treat it more as a mechanical process to trigger ejaculation.
By keeping your sexual urge controlled by not letting your instincts take over when the body needs to ejaculate you can better control both your thoughts and your behavior.