Last updated on October 2, 2020
Question:
I started dating this girl and a few days in, she told me she lost her virginity to this kid. She says she was fooled into it, and she regrets it. She said she repented of her sin, admitting that she committed fornication. She was baptized around a year ago, and I’m not sure if she lost her virginity before or after her baptism.
The thing is I am lost now. I don’t know what to do. I really want our relationship to work out. Can you please tell me if the Bible says anything about this? What is your advice?
Thank you. God bless you!
Answer:
What she did was sinful. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). Whether she did it before or after her baptism doesn’t make much difference. If she did it before, baptism washes away sins (Acts 22:16). If she did it afterward, a Christian repents (II Corinthians 7:10-11) and prays to God (I John 1:9) to receive forgiveness of sins. Since she says she as repented, then we assume she has been forgiven.
If you are interested in this girl, there is nothing preventing you from dating her. However, I would like you to take your time, not rushing the relationship, and waiting at least a year before committing yourself to marry her. The reason is that I want you both to develop a strong trust that she really has repented of fornication. If she tries getting your pants off you or frequently tries to get you sexually aroused, then you will know that she hasn’t really changed. But if you both can respect each other and protect each other from sexual sins, then you will know that you are both strongly devoted to God.
What I don’t want you to do is ask about the details of what happened before. “Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20). Forgiven sins need to be left buried. You are not in competition with her past mistakes. She left the bum. She is with you instead. That should be enough.