Last updated on September 28, 2020
Question:
I haven’t masturbated for a few months, yet I haven’t had any wet dreams. Surely my seminal vesicles have filled up, so how is this possible? I haven’t been masturbating because whenever I used to I would feel awful feelings of guilt, and just feel gross with myself. So I had been hoping that wet dreams would take care of it so that my sexual desire would be maintained. But I am going crazy. I feel horny almost all the time and get many erections a day. I even get an erection in the shower just by washing myself.
What is your advice? Should I just deal with the fact that masturbation is a normal part of a male’s life and do it? Because I feel like I’m about to explode. I am about to be baptized in a week, and after dealing with compulsive masturbation for years I had hoped to not masturbate anymore after being reborn. Would masturbation affect my relationship with Jesus, and should I feel guilty about doing it?
I appreciate your time.
Answer:
What affects your relationship with Jesus is whether sin is in your life. “Behold, the LORD’S hand is not so short That it cannot save; Nor is His ear so dull That it cannot hear. But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear” (Isaiah 59:1-2).
While it is popular to say that masturbating is sinful, the fact remains that God never called it sinful, even though it is alluded to in a few passages. There are sinful things that people do in accompaniment with masturbation and these have to be avoided. For example, many teenage boys look at pornography when they want to ejaculate. But pornography is a sin. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God” (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). “Passion of lust” are passionate things designed to arouse lust in the viewer, such as pornography. See: Is masturbation sinful or not?
Unfortunately not every guy is able to have wet dreams. Some guys just sleep too heavily or they wake up when they start to move. It sounds like you are in that category. Have you woken up several times in the night with a raging erection? You can try to encourage a wet dream by sleeping naked. Most likely you’ll wake up in the middle of a wet dream; if so, just let yourself finish things off. The other choice is simply to masturbate but do so without any pornography. You can’t call such masturbation as compulsive because you’ve waited until things got urgent to take care of your body’s need.
Question:
Thank you for your quick reply. I just wanted to make sure I understand, so if I masturbate without any lustful thoughts, that is alright?
Answer:
Masturbating is just triggering an ejaculation through touch. By itself, it is neither right nor wrong. It is like going to the bathroom or eating a meal. It can be abused and used wrongfully, such as when homosexuals masturbate each other, or when a girl masturbates her boyfriend, or when a guy uses pornography to get himself stirred up enough so he can masturbate. It is the abuses that must be avoided. But as a male, your body needs to regularly ejaculate, and to take care of that need in a non-sinful way is perfectly fine.
By the way, don’t be surprised that once you do ejaculate that you will need to do it again soon after. You don’t fully empty your seminal vesicles when you ejaculate, and so it may take several in a row to get you back down to a normal level.
Question:
Thank you for your insight. After several ejaculations to return the levels to normal, how often would I need to masturbate to keep everything constant? I know that everybody is different, but I was just curious if you knew some average numbers for my age group.
Answer:
The variance for ejaculation can go from once a day (or even more) to once a month. The average for a young man in his twenties is twice a week. But what works for you is something you have to discover. What I suggest is that you wait between times until the urge gets distracting and then take care of the problem. If you have trouble with porn or other sexual temptations, take care of your need when you realize you are being tempted. Taking the edge off your sexual desire makes it easier to resist temptation.
Question:
Thank you so much for your time. You have been a great help to me. God bless.