I know jealousy is wrong, but I am 14 and only at stage 1.6

Last updated on August 25, 2020


I’m 14 and I’ve gotten lots of information about the stuff on your web site from school, the Internet and elsewhere, but I’m a Christian and your site helped me think about this stuff from a Christian’s viewpoint that we don’t have here.

I took your puberty stage calculator and I’m only a 1.6. I know jealousy is wrong, but I see other guys that are bigger than me and more developed than me and I feel jealous. So I find myself praying for becoming more advanced than I am, physically I mean, and that’s a terrible thing to pray for because it’s from jealousy and not love. I’m also very afraid because I have shameful thoughts and I worry that God is keeping me from growing so I can’t act on these thoughts.

I haven’t found the answers to any of this and I don’t want to talk to my mom cause she doesn’t like to talk about stuff like this and my dad has a brain injury and doesn’t really talk anymore. So I got a lot of comfort from reading what your church wrote.


While I’m sorry to hear about your father’s difficulty, I’m glad that I can serve as an alternative source which is worthy of your trust.

The range for puberty to begin is fairly large. Some start as early as 8 or 9 and some don’t start until 16. The early starters are embarrassed because they become different from everyone else they know, but it is balanced by getting stronger than their peers as well. The downside is that they tend to be shorter than their peers when everyone finishes developing. The late starters are embarrassed, too, because their lack of change makes them different from all their peers. When development ends, they tend to be slimmer than others — not quite as muscular.

What you’ve said tells me that you have started puberty, but only recently — probably about a year ago. For boys there isn’t much in the way of outward signs at first unless a person knows what to look for. Mostly it is the “shameful thoughts” which gives me the hint that the change has started. What you are feeling is the beginnings of sexual arousal. Because it is brand new, it is also more difficult to keep under control. That you are aware that some thoughts are not proper to pursue means you are going down the right path.

In teaching us not to worry, Jesus asked, “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?” (Matthew 6:27). God made your body and it is developing as God designed it. He is not holding you back because of your thoughts. But you do have the advantage that since you started developing at an older age, you will be a bit more mature regarding controlling your thoughts and behaviors than your peers. And I very much doubt that He will speed things up for you. Like everyone else, you need time to adjust to the changes. There is a reason development takes 8 to 10 years for a young man.

Instead of worrying about when you will get to your destination, learn to enjoy the journey because you won’t travel down this road again in your life. “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh, for childhood and youth are vanity” (Ecclesiastes 11:9-10).