Last updated on February 12, 2025
Question:
Hi,
I struggled with porn, and I’ve masturbated with men more than once online. I regret everything that I’ve done. I’ve repeatedly repented and greatly regret what I did with those men. I’m not sure that I am saved. I’m straight, I like women, and I’m heterosexual, but I struggle in certain areas of my life. I’ve had two girlfriends in the past. However, I’m straightening my life out slowly. I realize what I did was wrong. I regret everything and have great sorrow. I hope God can forgive me. I can’t forgive myself.
Thanks.
Answer:
Repentance is more than being sorry about what you have done. Repentance is a change in your attitude toward the acceptability of sin and a change in your behavior. “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11). In other words, regret is the motivation to change, but it is not the change itself.
God forgives people when they become Christians, and one of the requirements of being a Christian is to repent of your past sins. See “How to Become a Christian.” When you are a Christian, sins will sometimes still happen, which are taken care of by repenting and asking God for forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). “Forgiveness” means to be released from a debt. When we sin, we create a debt to God that only He can release us from. Technically, I can’t forgive myself because I can’t go into debt to myself. The guilty feeling about what you have done remains, even after you are forgiven, but that feeling serves a good purpose. It reminds you not to repeat your sins.
Homosexuality is not a type of person but a choice in the type of sexual sin a person commits. Just as a person can choose to do homosexual sex, he can choose not to sin in that manner (I Corinthians 6:9-11). I’m glad you are wanting to get away from this sin.
The first step is to stop the pornography. I can’t make you stop. I can’t monitor you. All I can do is point you in the direction you need to go and give you advice. You must be willing to put in the hard work and not give up when things get difficult. That is a choice you have to make.
Question:
Does God forgive me for all of these sins or not? I grew up in the church. My grandparents were pastors. I was saved as a child, but I don’t know if I knew about these things.
Thanks.
Answer:
“The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself” (Ezekiel 18:20).
It doesn’t matter who your parents or grandparents were. God looks at who you are. God wants everyone saved, including you. “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance” (II Peter 3:9). You are still here to give you time to improve yourself and your life before you are called to give an account of what you’ve done before God.
I don’t personally know you. I don’t know if you became a Christian in the way God commanded. Assuming you are a Christian, I don’t know if you have changed your attitude and behavior. I know you regret what you’ve done, but has it moved beyond regret? Have you replaced wicked behavior with righteous living? God doesn’t withhold forgiveness. The usual problem is that people refuse to change.
Question:
A lady said that mutual masturbation and oral sex are sexual activities, in so many words, and God is down on pain. Another said God will punish people who commit sexual sins because of what is said in Hebrews 13:4.
I’ve never been married to anyone, so I’ve never committed adultery. At least I’m not guilty on that part.
Answer:
Mutual masturbation and oral sex are sexual activities. They both involve other people and lead to ejaculations. See “What Is Included in Porneia?“
I don’t understand what is meant by “God is down on pain.”
Yes, God punishes people who don’t give up their sins. But when a person leaves their sins, God welcomes them back. “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God” (I Corinthians 6:9-11).
“‘But if the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surely live; he shall not die. All his transgressions which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live. Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,’ declares the Lord GOD, ‘rather than that he should turn from his ways and live?’” (Ezekiel 18:21-23).