Last updated on October 11, 2020
Question:
Hi,
I am a 14-year-old boy who has been addicted to pornography since I was 10 and addicted to masturbation since I was 12 (tanner 3). Ever since I started watching porn, I felt guilty and repented of my sins. I prayed for help to stop but usually, the addiction would repeat itself in a pattern. It first started as not masturbating for 2 days, then 4 days, and eventually I got my streak to 9 days was my maximum. But every time I got a streak, I would lose it and masturbate up to 2 to 3 times a day. This has been happening ever since I started watching porn. I don’t like porn or masturbating, and I would like to stop both of these habits entirely. I understand that since I have the addiction, I would have to quit with patience, but I just don’t know how to do it and when to do it.
Answer:
There is much that we need to discuss, so if you are willing, I will invite you to call me and we can talk about the matters in greater detail. But in the meanwhile, here are some things for you to consider:
Satan typically attacks at our weakest point. For boys, this is often when we are in the middle of changing because we develop the urge for sex but don’t know how to properly deal with it. Pornography is easily accessible and it causes a strong and pleasurable reaction in our bodies, so we end up repeating it — never realizing the danger that it produces until we find ourselves locked into it.
Another problem is that we often blame the physical for our spiritual problems. The reason you got caught in pornography is simply the fact that your body started producing semen. Your body can only hold so much semen before it needs to ejaculate some of it to make room for more. You can’t turn this off. You’ll be producing semen for the rest of your life. The trap, however, is thinking that you need to use sin (pornography) in order to relieve yourself. Thus, you set yourself up for repeated failure. You decide you are going to stop sinning by stopping the physical (the masturbating). It works for a short while, but eventually, your glands get full and something has to give. Instinct takes over had you pull up pornography and pull down your pants — all without much thought. After you ejaculate, your reason kicks back in and you are kicking yourself for giving in. Then you start the cycle all over again.
The key is to understand that ejaculating is something your body needs to do. It is normal. It is the way God made the male body. What isn’t normal is watching pornography because that is lusting after fornication. Thus, you need to separate the two ideas. If you need to ejaculate, there is nothing wrong with masturbating or allowing yourself to have a wet dream. Though these things are discussed in the Bible, they are not labeled by God as sinful. What is sinful is to lust (II Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Instead of holding off until you lose control and sin, the simple answer is to recognize when the urge is coming, and then find a private place to relieve yourself and keep all your electronic gear off and not nearby. Once you ejaculate, the urge will die back down and you can retain your self-control.