Last updated on October 11, 2020
Hello Mr. Hamilton,
I’m a 14-year-old boy, and I’m really afraid that I’m gay. I sometimes get aroused when I see a muscular buff guy but never when I see a very attractive lady. I have a girlfriend who I’m going to homecoming with whom I really like, but I still just have this fear that I’m physically attracted to other guys. I could never see myself dating or having sex with a man so I don’t really know why I’m even concerned about it, but I just am. Sometimes when I masturbate a gay thought will slip into my mind although most of the time I do think about girls. There are some guys that I think are very attractive, and it’s probably just because I’m jealous of them and want to look like them so maybe it’s possible that I’m just thinking of myself being those guys and having sex with a woman.
Do you have any advice for me? I just can’t stop thinking about it and if I’m really who I think I am. A response would be greatly appreciated.
What often confuses young men is the fact that their bodies are easily aroused with a desire for sex. Physically, your body really doesn’t care what you have sex with, just so long as you can ejaculate when your seminal vesicles start getting full. Therefore, your body is going to respond to anything that it even remotely thinks is a sexual situation.
Males tend to focus on the visual. If something causes a young man’s penis to go erect, he assumes it is because he desires to have sex with whatever caused the erection and the assumption it is whatever he is seeing at the time. However, the assumption is false. Erections happen all the time when you are young. But once a certain line of thinking sets in it becomes difficult to separate the thought and the reaction.
Boys are prone to obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors during early sexual development — it has to do with the male brain rewiring itself to an adult style of thinking. As you began to develop sexually you saw the athletic male as the sexy guy. As you masturbated, it was to images of what you found sexy. It isn’t particularly that you wanted sex with a man, but that you saw the idealized young male with a fit body as the embodiment of sexiness.
If erections defined who you are, then what do you do with the boys who get erections every morning at ten o’clock? What is their identity? What about the boys who get erect at the thought of running naked through the woods? Or the boys with the crazy bodies that get erect over some inanimate object? My point is that sexual arousal is something every boy deals with and the reason the arousal is triggered has nothing to do who the boy is, beyond the mere fact that he is a boy with a body that is nuts about wanting to have sex. The fact that you have erections when you see a fit boy tells me that you are a boy. It has nothing to do with whom you chose to have sex with.
The homosexual movement wants to blur the lines of what is a sin because the more people who think they might be homosexual, the more people will accept and commit the actual sin of homosexuality. The actual number of people who commit homosexual acts is actually quite low, so to make the movement appear bigger than it really is, those advocating homosexuality starting pushing the claim that homosexuality is the attraction and not the action. From there point of view, if they can get guys to start thinking they might be homosexual just because their penis goes erect around another guy, then they will start thinking about homosexual acts, which might eventually lead to doing actual homosexual acts. They want people to identify themselves by their sexual feelings so that people won’t condemn their choice of sin or try to talk them out of it. However, your choice of sin does not identify who you are. You can change your choices. You can even choose not to sin. “And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God” (I Corinthians 6:11).
You and I aren’t animals. We are not like a dog who is willing to relieve himself on anything and everything. Our minds override what our bodies might desire. Just because your penis gets erect, it doesn’t mean you have to ejaculate then and there. We control our desires and focus them into proper channels. What makes your penis get erect at any given moment in time doesn’t define who you are. It merely is an indication that your body thinks this might be a sexual situation — and when you are young it is far more often wrong than right.
What ends up happening depends on each individual.
- Some convince themselves that erections around guys mean that they are destined to have sex with other guys and so they let their desires lead their choices.
- Some are disgusted by the idea and to prove that they are not homosexual, they start having sex with every girl they get in bed with.
But the truth is that you choose who you have sex with and when you have sex. God condemns people having sex outside of marriage, which is called fornication. He also condemns having sex with people who are the same gender as you; we call that homosexuality today. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). No one is destined to commit fornication, adultery, or homosexuality.
Satan doesn’t care how you sin, just as long as you break God’s laws. But to get you to sin, he has to convince you that you want to sin. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man” (Mark 7:21-23).
Just remember, you run your body — your body doesn’t run you.
Thank you so much for helping me. You are absolutely right, I am in control of my body.