Last updated on October 7, 2020
For almost all of my life, I’ve been thrown into the IEP system for some type of mental disorder. Many people tell me in the rudest way that I have: ADHD, autism, psychopathy, etc. Or they will tell me “you’re lazy,” or “your special head is special to my heart.” That kind of makes me laugh, but I’m getting off-topic.
I was placed in there for not participating. IEP for me was small classes, extra teachers in core classes, and frequent IQ tests. I understand that this works for some people but for others, it’s like putting aside trash. I was supposed to be held back five times, and they still pushed me through. I’ve been to several schools, and it’s the same thing. They don’t listen to me when I ask for help, even if I ask another student. My parents don’t listen to me either. One wants me medicated and the other threatens to put me in a mental hospital or to have a lobotomy. If I got stuck in a mental hospital, I’ll act mental.
I get headaches starting at the back of my head and right eye. I have panic attacks. I used to have a lot of nosebleeds, but now I just kind of hallucinate before I blackout. When I wake up I’m still hallucinating for the next five minutes. Usually, I have muscle spasms, fever, and trembles. These delusions started five months ago but ended with school. I tried to get medical advice because if I went to a hospital my parent would redirect me to a psychiatric ward. I’ve tried, yet I always end up with too many possible disorders: Craniostosis, Hyperthyroidism, Bipolar disorder, Borderline intellectual functioning disorder, Depressive psychosis, Autism, Sociopathy, Spectrum disorder, the depersonalization thingy, PTSD, and ADHD. Why do so many things share so much in common?
I remember one week I walked around deliriously talking in a made-up language to things no one else could see and that’s how I failed five tests in one day. After that, I thought I was schizophrenic! That is until I started drinking water, then the hallucinating that day stopped.
Every other issue stays the same, like insomnia and the blackouts. I am so happy no one called the looney bin on me.
I’m still getting off-topic. What’s really hard for me is to focus, stay on task, let other people speak and it’s hard to pay attention, think clearly, make good decisions, communicate concisely and my memory is going and it’s getting worst. I try everyone’s suggestions but usually, they don’t work and everyone tells me it’s all in my head.
I want to get out of IEP. I just feel really sick and always out of it. My parents are happy to get my siblings to the doctor when they have a cold to cure it; yet, when it’s me asking for any kind of help they say stop being lazy. I’m always grounded. I hate being the oldest and being treated like I’m younger than the 11-year-old. I really want to fix the problem, so I need to know how to do it before I turn legal age.
I’m not a doctor, but the symptoms you describe could easily have a physical source. Any psychiatrist should have insisted on a thorough physical examination by a medical doctor before exploring anything else. The headaches you describe are migraines, but you are getting far more severe ones than even most migraine suffers have.
So, have you seen a medical doctor? What tests were done? Have you had an MRI? Blood tests? That drinking more water changed your symptoms is worrisome.
If your parents won’t schedule a doctor’s appointment for you, write a note similar to the one you wrote to me and send it to your doctor. Ask him if there is a way for you to get checked out, despite your parents’ objection. If that doesn’t work, you will need to talk with your county’s social services department. Again, have it written out so that focus at the time won’t be an issue.