Last updated on September 25, 2020
Dear Mr. Hamilton,
I am 25 years old right now. I have several questions. I didn’t masturbate since I was 15 years old and I’ve never dated a girl. These are questions that I wanted to ask or get advice about:
Recently I started to have a weird thing happening to me: During the night sometimes I can wake up and start taking my underwear off (or already wake up naked) and then start rubbing my penis against the bed. Sometimes I will do it with erection, sometimes there’s no erection. The main thing is that I do it. I realize that I am doing it but can’t stop. Then I can stop and go to sleep again or wake up. Then I can actually feel some pre-cum. It’s weird because I have never had anything like this before. Sometimes I can wake up in the morning completely naked; I don’t know how it happened during sleep. Why does this happen? I can’t really consciously control myself to prevent such situations. I also have wet dreams sometimes.
I really liked one girl her for almost a year and tried to express my feelings but the problem is that she had a boyfriend. Then there were two more girls (in a row) I liked but they again had boyfriends! Why is it so that all girls I like have a boyfriend? It’s like a sequence!
I will appreciate your advice on these issues.
What you are doing is a form of sleepwalking. In reality, wet dreams are a form of sleepwalking, perhaps I should call it sleep-moving, where you masturbate in your sleep. Your body knows instinctively that touching of the genitals is needed to trigger an ejaculation; therefore, you are exposing yourself to accomplish that end.
Such sleep movement takes place during the Rapid Eye Movement phase of your sleep. This is also the same time that you have erections while you sleep. You go through this phase as you drop off to sleep, as you wake up, and two or three more times during the night. Depending on how tired you are, you are waking up during the event or afterward. Thus, you catch yourself near the start pulling your underwear off, sometimes in the middle of humping your bed, and sometimes you wake up after you had ejaculated. I suspect that you would find more stiff spots on your sheets from dried semen than you remember having wet dreams.
You cannot directly control these situations, so you are best off accepting the fact that they are just a fact of life for you. Your body needs to ejaculate semen to get rid of the excess. It knows when the need is there and it is taking care of it.
Both boys and girls have difficulty relating to the opposite sex at the beginning. However, once they have started getting to know how to talk to the opposite sex, they begin to relax and become more interesting to members of the opposite sex. Thus, you are finding yourself attracted to girls who have become comfortable talking to boys. It takes less effort on your part. But as you notice they often have a boyfriend.
You should keep in mind that most relationships don’t last. If you stay friends with a number of girls, eventually one will become available and might be willing to have you as a boyfriend. Also, remember that some girls who are harder to know are more likely to be available.