Last updated on July 29, 2022
Question:
Hello,
I need some advice regarding my parents. Just as some background information, I’m 15, and live in a house with my siblings. I also have some adult siblings who live hours away from us. Unfortunately, my father does not do much for our family. He still works and provides funds, but he does not talk to us children that frequently.
Anyways, onto the topic, my mother does not want us on the internet. She lets us use the internet for games and school-related things, but does not want us talking to or watching anyone on the internet. I can obey that pretty easily, but she also would probably not approve of me looking at your website. See, she has not talked to us about sex or anything like that. She has only talked to my older brothers about it, but she is unaware that we all know about it (by the way, I learned about it through Wikipedia, not porn). I’m conflicted about what I should do. I know I should be obeying her orders, but if I had not found your website, I would not be as religious as I am now. What should I do? Am I doing something sinful?
Thank you for your time.
Answer:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-4).
Many people are familiar with this passage but they often overlook the phrase “in the Lord.” Children don’t owe their parents absolute obedience but rather obedience to the things that are in accordance with God’s teachings. If a parent told their child to steal, the child is expected to ignore the command.
The rules your mother gave you are there for your safety. The internet makes it too easy for frauds to pretend to be something they are not. Striking up conversations with strangers can leave you vulnerable if you don’t know how to spot fraud. No disrespect to your age, but at 15, you don’t have much experience. I’ve seen adults get fooled by scammers. While video chats allow you to see another person’s face, there is still room for temptation. Males are especially visually-oriented. Young males also look for confirmation that they are wanted. They can be pulled into compromising situations. “For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; and reproofs for discipline are the way of life to keep you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, nor let her capture you with her eyelids” (Proverbs 6:23-25). “The smooth tongue” refers to words that slide past your guard because you are being told exactly what you want to hear. “Capture you with her eyelids” refers to how some women flutter their eyes. We automatically focus on what is moving and this gets a guy to focus on her face. Thus, these rules are appropriate and protective of you.
You mentioned that you are allowed to use the internet for schoolwork. Health and human sexuality are topics covered in both public and private schools. You mentioned reading up on sex on Wikipedia, so I assume you’ve justified your reading in this way. Just be aware that Wikipedia doesn’t have moral standards. Its editors come from random people in society and what ends up in Wikipedia reflects society’s view, which usually isn’t godly.
This site was developed to give accurate information on growth, development, and sexuality from a biblical viewpoint. I try to cite my sources, including the Bible, so it won’t just be my opinions being presented. You’ll notice that I don’t initiate conversations. People write to me and I respond. I assume they write because they read my writings and generally trust me to be accurate in solving their problems or concerns. If someone has a particularly difficult situation, I may invite them to call me, but the choice is the person’s own to make. I’ll take calls, but I don’t initiate them. Of course, this means I have to constantly be on guard against scams, but so far there haven’t been too many of them. I don’t believe this site violates your mother’s rules.
In other words, compared to Wikipedia, I would like to think that this site is a step above the information there because I don’t promote immoral behavior. If you believe that reading Wikipedia doesn’t violate your mother’s rules, then this site won’t violate them either.
I’m glad to hear that this site has kept your outlook focused on following God and I hope it continues to do so in the future.
Response:
Just to clarify a few things.
I am homeschooled. The most our books taught us is that sperm and eggs produce children, but they never mentioned where sperm comes from or about sex in general. I don’t use Wikipedia for sex education anymore. I instead look at your website because based on the things you have written, I can deduce your writings are factual. I also look at your writings if I have questions about the Bible.
You have done a great job educating people like me, and I thank you for all the work you put into these websites. It does not go unnoticed!