Last updated on October 7, 2020
Question:
I and my girlfriend committed an abortion. Prior to the abortion, we fornicated a lot of times, though I had several warnings from my parent, pastor, friends, and even my conscience. I am the Bible coordinator in my fellowship. After the abortion, we attempt fornicating several times. Now we are separated because I don’t want to fornicate anymore.
I wish I could turn the hands of time. I wish I had listened. I confessed my sin to a pastor whom I know but not a member of my church. He prayed and requested that we never go back to the sin, but it was after his prayer that we attempt fornicating again. I also confess the sin to a very close friend. He was very unhappy. We have prayed and asked for mercy, and I still pray and ask for mercy daily. I read Psalms 51 and 103.
Here are my questions:
- Do I need to make a confession to my pastor in my fellowship?
- Can I still continue serving as a Bible coordinator?
- Do I need to tell my parents?
- Can I still be useful to God knowing I committed murder?
Kindly reply me. Thanks in anticipation.
Answer:
I’m glad you’ve changed your behavior, but how would I or anyone else know that you have actually changed? How would someone see that you are not the person you used to be? “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter” (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
The reason I bring this up is that in the past you would admit you sinned, but only to people who could not cause any consequences to happen. Then, because nothing bad resulted, you took off your clothes and returned to your fornication. You wrote to me, someone you’ve never met and are likely not to meet, admitting that you’ve done wrong, and I can’t help but notice that your focus is concern that someone close to you will find out that you’ve sinned. It seems to me that pride is getting in your way of a complete change.
The sins you have committed are serious. You can’t get to heaven and be involved in such sins. “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God” (I Corinthians 6:9-10). But what you expressed about your past is a lack of appreciation for just how much danger you were in.
All sin is forgivable. God won’t hold it against you if you turn away from it. “But if the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surely live; he shall not die. All his transgressions which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live. “Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord GOD, “rather than that he should turn from his ways and live? But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity and does according to all the abominations that a wicked man does, will he live? All his righteous deeds which he has done will not be remembered for his treachery which he has committed and his sin which he has committed; for them he will die” (Ezekiel 18:21-24). God looks at who you are and not who you used to be. That is why it doesn’t make sense to remain in sin when God is willing to forgive.
But again, in the past, while you talk of regret and change, you appear to have done nothing to change and by your action show that you never really changed your mind about what you were doing. Fortunately, that seems to have changed.
There is no role of “Bible Coordinator” in the Bible, but let’s just talk in generalities for the moment. You are in a leadership position, so what happens when an old photo shows up or your girlfriend happens to say something and it gets back to members of your church that you’ve been having sex with a girl? What will that do to your influence? What happens if you publicly take a stand against abortion, but your ex-girlfriend tells everyone you are a hypocrite? Right now you are making choices based on the assumption that no one will ever find out what you did, but that doesn’t always happen.
The better way to handle this is to admit your sins in advance of it ever getting out. Then you have an opportunity to prove that you are a changed man. Your pastor may decide it is best for the moment to give you time to prove your commitment. Your parents would need to know why you are suddenly no longer being used as you were in the past. It will be hard, but it will keep you humble and give you more incentive to not repeat your sins. There is no requirement that you have to do this, but in your case, I think it would improve you if you were open about your sins.