Last updated on September 29, 2020
Please, can you tell me what I should do? I’m in a relationship with a girl who had sex with her former boyfriend several times. At that time she did not know about Christ. That guy has had that kind of relation with other girls and still, he is in that kind of relation. Now she is with me, and she is very good from the inside. She is a totally changed girl who talks about God only. But I’m confused. Please answer me because her past is making me uncomfortable. Should I be with her or should I leave her?
If she has changed and has made her life right with God, then she should be treated as the girl who she is and not the girl she once was. “My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:19-20). The idea of “covering sins” is not hiding the fact that someone is in sin, but rather when sins are forgiven to overlook or hide the past because the past is no longer relevant.
Rather than make decisions based on her past, tell me what kind of person she is now. Is she the type of woman you would want as your wife for the next sixty years or more?
I always get concerned when people today say they are in a relationship. It is such a vague term and by it, many people mean they are having sex. I hope that is not the case with you. If it is, then it would mean that she hasn’t changed and that you are no better than her former boyfriend. But if the two of you are behaving yourselves as Christians ought to behave, then make decisions based on each other’s character.
Actually, she lost her mom at an early age. When she had sex, it happened when she was 17 years old. Her sisters were already in such relationships, so she was influenced by that. She used to smoke and also watched porn as a teenager. One day when she was drunk, she got into sex. She thought she would be called bad by people if she left him after that happened. He had a girlfriend while she was with him, but he managed to hide it from her for a while. She didn’t want to have sex, but he was so stubborn and forced her.
I’m not taking her side. This is just the truth about her past life. She is very emotional and he took advantage of that by mentally torturing her. She has come to realize that it was not love. It was her effort to correct the mistake.
But when she came to know Jesus, she told him that she would not have sex with him again as it is against God’s will. He replied that she would have to choose either him or God. She chose God and left him forever. She knows it was a mistake, but she did not know that it was a sin against God.
Now she is a changed girl. She doesn’t smoke, drink, or watch porn, and regarding sex, she says that, yes, she wants it with me but after marriage only. I don’t want to have sex before marriage nor she. We have kissed twice, but not with physical lust, as we both don’t know how to kiss. She loves me very much. This is the whole truth.
What I should do? Why does her past make me sad every time I think about it? Please help me to know all of these things.
Her past should make anyone sad. It isn’t what God wants for His children. But pasts are just that. They are not present. She is not the girl she once was, and that should be cause for great joy.
As I said before, you have to decide, based on who she is today, whether she is the type of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Her past sins don’t matter because neither you nor she should let those things interfere with your futures.