Last updated on January 2, 2021
Question:
I was just reading the section of your website Growing Up in the Lord, chapter 7. I am a 15-year-old male and have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now and things have started to go further than I want them to go. It is very difficult to stop from going any further, but I know that it is a sin and that I must abstain from sex. Many nights, like tonight, I find myself thinking about sex a lot. I know that I shouldn’t masturbate but that is also very difficult to hold back from doing. I found your web site tonight and it has helped me a lot. It has helped me to remember that I am saving myself for marriage and that I should wait until then to have sex. I just wanted to thank you for putting information out there so that young men like myself can be faithful and remain pure.
Answer:
Thank you so much for taking the time to write. It means a lot to me to know that the work that I’m doing is being appreciated.
Because the concept of sex and your ability to have sex is so new, your body and your mind don’t know how to handle all the desires that arise. Over time things will calm down a bit, but in the meantime, this time of waiting is useful to you. One question I’ve asked boys, such as yourself, is are you ready to be a father? The very thought shocks most of them. “Of course not! I’m too young. There are things I want to do and see before I’m tied down supporting a family and raising kids.” And I completely agree. A fifteen-year-old is not ready for fatherhood and is not able to support a family. No one should expect him to do so. But a fifteen-year-old who is having sex is taking the chance of becoming a father. That is what sex is for — to produce children. It might not happen until the twentieth time, or it might happen the first time, but the chance always remains anytime a man drops his pants for a woman.
And we haven’t even address it issues of relationships or sin.
I hope you will take the time to read the rest of Growing Up in the Lord, as well as look at the material concerning pornography, masturbation, and other sexual issues. Feel free to contact me if you ever have any questions about any issue. I don’t know what you consider “too far,” but if you want to talk about it or about better ways to handle your relationship, just let me know.