Last updated on September 19, 2020
Question:
I kind of have a major problem! It’s kind of about school, and I need someone to help me with the decision.
There’s this really annoying and quite possibly the most unpopular person in the school. I was desperate because all my friends supposedly had a “GF.” My dad said she looked nice. I was all like “What! No. Are you kidding?” Since he said he wasn’t, I thought I’m desperate, I must take this shot. However, soon enough I saw this girl had serious problems.
She had started to stalk me after I talked to her and let her down slowly. She started asking one of the popular girls, a girl I hate because she is so full of herself. She manipulates guys to do whatever she wants and I’m the only one who gives her a straight, in her face “NO!” Well, this girl started emailing the popular girl questions about me. I told the popular girl to stop and the stalking girl said she didn’t do anything, but then she saw that I knew and confessed.
Next, she said I kissed her and lied to her parents saying it wasn’t true. This stuff has stopped for a while until a few days ago. This girl finally got a social network site and instantly found me and is now commenting and liking all of my photos! I wish I could block her, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She has problems, so she is very, very sensitive. The slightest thing makes her cry! She also still throws tantrums and she’s twelve! She spits when she talks. She has the worst hairstyle. I don’t want to be mean, but she’s not what you would call pleasant to hang around with — she’s very annoying!
Everyone’s nasty to her and occasionally I am but barely because I control myself. But once she asked me on the bus to a field trip, “On the way back can you sit in the back row with me?” I processed it through my mind, hesitated, and said “What? Wait, no!” I was confused because of all the noise and she kept coming up to me and said, “I don’t still like you. I don’t. I don’t!” This isn’t true because a few days earlier it was leaked that she’s writing love notes about me.
Everyone is mean to her. She has very few friends. I feel bad for her but she’s just so annoying! I want to block her on my social network, but I would feel bad! What do I do? My mom says I’m being horrible and so does my brother. He has his own problems with a girl but it isn’t quite as bad as mine. By the way, I’m twelve. Once my mum said if I was rude to her she would, in front of everyone, take me to talk to the guidance counselor. I’m thinking, “No other parent would do this!” Even brother’s annoying girl sometimes finds this girl annoying and she’s, well, not the most normal of people!
Do you have any advice on what I should do because today I heard her calling my name, but I just pretended not to hear it!
Answer:
The bulk of the problem is the stage of life all of you are in. You are changing dramatically, which can leave you feeling left out, so being accepted by your peers becomes overly important. You think of yourself as independent, but you’re vulnerable to heckling. That is why you find your mother’s threat so devastating. The last thing you want is to be embarrassed in front of people you know.
But you’re not the only one going through these issues, the girl who is stalking you, your brother, the girl he is dealing with are all going through similar things. So are all your peers.
Bragging rights become overly important in this period of life. That is why all the guys want to claim to have girlfriends, even when they don’t. It isn’t that they can take them out on a date — they’re too young to have much money. It isn’t that they plan on marrying the girl — marriage is a lifetime away. It is only about being able to brag in front of the other guys.
You can be nice and polite to people without it meaning anything more than that you are a nice guy. If someone teases you about being nice to this girl, turn it around, “What can I say? Girls like me.” It won’t stop guys from trying to find something to embarrass you about, but it will take out some of the steam if you show that it doesn’t bother you.
I take it that the girl is desperate to know that someone likes her. She’s gone overboard in an embarrassing sort of way. That she likes your pictures, well, that actually has little meaning. Your friends may try to make something of it to tease you, but you can just roll with it by just shrugging your shoulders and saying “Can’t control which girls like your looks.” (Which actually is true.) That she told a lie is a bit more concerning. It tells me that she too is looking for bragging rights among her friends. You need to gently tell her that while you know she likes you, to you the two of you are just casual friends and that you don’t want her making up things that aren’t true about you.
Most of this will blow over in a few months. Everyone will have new crushes which are all more in their minds than in truth. That everyone is working on is how to relate to each other. They want to appear grown up without having a clue as to how it is done. That is why this girl who is stalking you is sending conflicting messages. She’s trying different ways to get your attention without knowing what works. She’ll tire of it soon if you continue to treat her as a casual friend.
If I can sum it up, don’t do things out of desperation. People make a lot of mistakes because desperation doesn’t allow them time to think. You have years to grow up. Why have any old girl who will take you now when you can take your time and eventually find a girl worth having later?