What can I do with my girlfriend that wouldn’t be a sin?



I’m wanting to ask a question that I hope you can answer for me.

I am a Christian male. Now, I may not be the most religious person in the world but I definitely have some barriers, and that’s the Ten Commandments and other things. I have just one question about sexual relationships: Is there any form of pleasure (after dating and maybe want to turn it up a notch, but not so far it leads to lust, fornication, etc.) that is an exception or is there nothing at all that I could do with my girlfriend that couldn’t be a sin?

Thank you for your time and I hope you can answer this for me.


Let’s first address what should not be done and why they are wrong. For this, I would like you to read How much sexual stuff is too much? Once you start trying to see how close to sexual behavior you can get without sinning, you’ve already headed off in the wrong direction.

What you’ve missed is that dating isn’t supposed to be about sex. Yes, I know, you find being with your girlfriend to be sexually arousing, but the goal of dating is about finding a woman who will be your companion for the rest of your life. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18). Out of the many women you’ll date, you’ll eventually locate one woman who stands out as a best friend. But until you commit yourself to that one woman, sex (and the things related to it) must stay out of the relationship. Until you marry, the woman you are dating may end up being some other man’s wife. Again, I understand that you are convinced that the woman you are currently dating is the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with, but the future is unpredictable.

Thus, understand that dating is not about satisfying your sexual desires, and with that in mind, there are innumerable things to do. Do things together: go on walks, skateboard, browse stores that she might like, talk about movies and books, play music together, etc. The idea is for each of you to get to know the other person better — to know their good and bad sides.