Last updated on September 29, 2020
Question:
Hey,
I am a young adult and my greatest desire is to glorify God and submit everything to the authority of scripture. I have been dating a girl for a few months now. We are dating because we could see ourselves working together to build the kingdom. She really loves Jesus, this is the may reason I asked her out. We have decided to restrict kissing for marriage and physical touch until a promise is made. I desire to keep her pure and blameless for her husband, whoever that may be. But more than anything we desire to show Jesus in our relationship, we want to honor the Lord Jesus in this relationship.
I was wanting some advice on a few things. I have noticed getting erections when I spend time with her or even just think of her. It happens more so when I alone with her, still in public areas though. I wanted to be clear that my thoughts are pure in those times, and the erection often comes at random points in the conversation. I know that this is not wrong from looking at Scripture, but I desire to be wise. Is this something I should flee from? Is this something that will continue?
Would it be a good idea to only spend time with her in groups, this kind of seems to defeat the purpose of dating as it is a bit harder to find stuff out about the person, even though I believe we should still send the majority of time in groups? Or should I just ignore it and it will stop eventually?
If this approach is taken, what happens if she notices? I would say it would not be a wise thing to talk to her about. Dating is really confusing.
I would really appreciate any help or advice.
I was bought with a price. The life I have is not my own. More than anything I want to live for the Lord Jesus. I want to be holy as God is holy and I am thankful that this holiness has already been made through the Lord Jesus, but I press on to make it my own.
Thanks for your time.
Answer:
If you remember your younger days, erections came frequently for apparently no reason. Your body had a new ability, but it was still trying to figure out how to control it, and when was the appropriate time to use it. It basically has your normal life down, but now you’ve added a new situation — being semi-alone with a girl. It is the excitement of being with someone you like combined with the nervousness you feel in the situation that makes it very easy to have an erection.
It is because of these sorts of physical responses that make being alone with a woman dangerous for a young man. It is too easy for instinct to override a man’s reason.
It doesn’t mean you can’t spend time alone with her. You just want to do so in situations where other people are around, such as at a restaurant, or where you know someone can look in on you at any moment. Basically, act as if you don’t trust yourself and you’ll be safer.
You notice your erections more easily than other people because you feel what is happening. It will calm down as your body eventually realizes that in these situations an erection is not called for. Therefore, ignoring them the best you can is the better option. Hopefully, if she notices what is happening, she will be polite and not mention it. If she does, just say something general, like “Sometimes it can be annoying being a guy, ” but don’t go into details.
Basically this is just another part of life that you have to take in stride.
Response:
Hey mate,
Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it.