Last updated on September 15, 2020
Question:
I could never see myself in a relationship with a man, nor could I ever see myself committing homosexual acts with a man. But why do I get that warm feeling like I’m attracted to it when I see muscles on a guy? I don’t want to like it, but I do. It hurts to say that. Is it possible that the first time it happened as an accident, and every time after my mind subconsciously connects that feeling too when I see it? I don’t like it at all. All I ever wanted was a wife, a house, and a Christian family. But obviously my anxiety won’t allow that if anxiety is even the root of all this. Now whenever I see a guy, I feel like I like him, even if I know I would never want to be gay. I recall you saying it doesn’t matter if I find a guy attractive. How does that not matter? Doesn’t that make me gay? Sorry, I’m only 14 and I tend to take things out of hand. I just want a normal life.
Answer
That you have no desire to have sex with a man is good. It means you are keeping God’s teaching foremost in your life.
Attraction comes in various flavors if you will. In your case, I would suspect it is two things: there is a bit of hero-worship, which is a phase all boys go through. It is especially noticeable in young men who don’t have a father heavily involved in their life. They long for a male role model and it isn’t unusual to long for someone who presents society’s ideal of a man — someone with a strong, buff body. The unfortunate thing is that a manly body doesn’t really make someone a real man. Along with that, there is a tendency to substitute self for what you see. This is why pornography rarely shows the face of the male or makes the focus of the image on the center of the male body, away from the face and toward the genitals — it is easier for the viewer to imagine himself in that male’s place and to imagine himself with that type of body. It isn’t a sexual longing for the male body directly, but thinking that having such a body would be sexually appealing to others. Of course, the line is finely drawn and it is too easy to cross over and convince yourself that you are sexually desiring the other male’s body.
Take a look at some other answers:
- Are there other kids who think as I do? Did they come out all right, living as Christians the best that they can?
- Does getting erect when you see a naked male mean you are gay?
- Is it wrong for a guy to look at pictures of good looking guys?
- How can I tell if I am gay?
- Can I live a godly life while being attracted to men but choosing not to act on those feelings?
Being a homosexual means you are having sex with another male. That is a sin (Romans 1:26-27; I Corinthians 6:9-10). Lusting for homosexual sex is also a sin because lusting for sin is also wrong (Romans 13:13-14). Being tempted to sin is not a sin. Satan is trying to tempt you with homosexuality. What God wants you to do is reject it. “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world” (I Peter 5:8-9).