Last updated on October 2, 2020
I feel like no matter what I do, nobody will ever like me as a human being. I feel like every person I’ve ever known has only pretended to like me out of pity, like I have a mental condition and no one has ever told me. I feel like no matter how hard I practice, how much I persist, how many conversations I try to stir up, or how much I really care about someone, I’ll never be able to please them. Never. They’ll always just get bored and kill every conversation I have with them by creating awkward silence, waiting a little bit, then pulling out their phone or talking to someone else without me. Everyone would rather leave me to talk to someone else without me or stare at pixels on a glass screen than talk to me. Nobody will ever text or call me just to see how I am, even though I have done so several times for them. I know that God loves me and He should be enough, but in my head, He’s not. I want Him to be, but He’s not. Why is He not? What’s wrong with me?
To be able to actually tell you what is wrong, I would have to interact with you to observe your behavior. Having you describe it doesn’t work because you don’t know what is wrong. However, I can give you a few general observations.
People have a strong tendency to assume that when something is wrong to focus only on the bad things that are happening. Thus, they miss seeing improvements because they only focus on the disappointments. When someone talks in sweeping statements, such as “always,” “never,” and the like, I conclude there is an observation problem since life is rarely consistent.
It is possible that you are trying too hard to please other people, leaving no time for you to be yourself. The result would be that you would come across as artificial and putting on an act.
It may be that your frustration comes from trying to make other people like you. People rarely can be made to do something, they can only be encouraged. Trying to force something you can’t control only leads to frustration and anger.
In regards to God, the way for you to be closer to God is to draw nearer to Him. Learn His Word more and it will start to change you. “Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; for they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for Your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the ancients, because I keep Your precepts” (Psalms 119:97-100).