Why must I suffer and not have the pleasure of sex?

Last updated on October 11, 2020



I have some questions. I’m 19. I want to convert to be a Christian. I believe in God, and I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. What I cannot get off my mind is sin.

I have a girlfriend, and we have sexual relations. I am a good person. I try to do the right things, but my problem is having sex before marriage. I know it’s a sin, but I don’t feel it should be only acceptable to have it when married. In this day in age people are cold and heartless, and the divorce rate is through the roof. Why do I have to wait? Why can’t I do one of the few things that make this miserable life worth enjoying? Do you know how rare it is to find a woman who will wait and be a great person?

What’s the point of God putting us on this earth if we are going to sin, which will lead to me burning in hell? Was I born just to suffer? There are nearly 8 billion people on this earth, and if we are judged by everything we do, basically a good 5-6 billion will be burning with me. You say He will forgive us if we repent, but then you go and say we can’t do this and that. What is the point of living this life, if we can’t do anything we enjoy?

I do not have any bad intentions. I wish the best for everyone, but practically everything we do is a sin, and we can’t just live in peace without feeling guilty. I am a good person. I do many good deeds, and I pray every day. I don’t cause any harm or pain and suffering; yet, I am still looked down upon for certain selfish things I may do to keep myself happy, like sex with my girlfriend or masturbation. I’m not saying that’s all that keeps me happy. There are many things in the world that make me happy, but I can’t do anything in this life without the fear that God will deny me.

I just want to live a long happy life and do as I please without having the thought on my mind that I might go to hell. I just want to know the truth.

Please reply when you can.


Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. “But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great” (Luke 6:46-49).

There is far more to becoming and being a Christian than a mere claim that you believe Jesus and accept him as your Lord. See: What Saves a Person?

A long time ago, a young man came to Jesus and asked, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” (Mark 10:17). Jesus’ response was that he needed to keep the commandments. The young man’s response was, “Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up” (Mark 10:20). “Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But at these words he was saddened, and he went away grieving, for he was one who owned much property” (Mark 10:21-22). Jesus was not saying that all of us must become poor to enter heaven. This young man sincerely wanted to reach heaven and Jesus knew there was one thing standing between him and his goal: his desire for wealth. Being wealthy is not wrong, but it can pull many people off the path of righteousness. “For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” (I Timothy 6:10). Earthly treasure is nothing compared to the wealth of heaven and eternal life. It is as if this young man was unable to give away a penny to gain billions of dollars. How sad that this one earthly thing was going to stop him from going to heaven. Jesus wasn’t keeping him out. He revealed to him what his stumbling block was so that he could choose to leave it behind.

Without a doubt sex is fun and within marriage, it is meant to be enjoyed. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love” (Proverbs 5:18-19). The reason God said to wait until marriage to have sex is that there are dangers with sex outside of marriage — dangers that you are likely not to see because you are distracted by the fun. As Moses told Israel: “Now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require from you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the LORD’S commandments and His statutes which I am commanding you today for your good?” (Deuteronomy 10:12-13). See: Why Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong and Marriage’s Glue.

It is interesting that you note that your sex with your girlfriend is a selfish act. You are correct, sex outside of marriage is almost always done for selfish reasons. However, sex within marriage is something different. It is an act of giving. “When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken” (Deuteronomy 24:5). He still gets pleasure, but the purpose is much different.

No one is denying you sex. God only states that you need to marry the woman first before sex takes place. Sex is better between two committed people who have vowed to live their lives together. There are no worries about sexual diseases because they are exclusive. If children result, well, that is a further blessing. You want a part of the benefits of marriage without the commitment. It is more than the sex, it is about your entire attitude toward life and other people.

It isn’t about picking and choosing what laws you like or think are appropriate. Being a Christian is about fully trusting God — trusting that He does know what is best for my life and for the lives of others. Such an extent of trust, that you will do as He says, even if you don’t fully understand why. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20). I know that the reason sin is wrong is that all sin is harmful. It causes damage that can be avoided by simply choosing not to sin.


Thank you for your response. I am still new to all this. I was baptized soon after birth and was raised Catholic, but we didn’t go to church as often as we should have.

I have gotten into this now because recently I have been thinking of death a lot, and I have no idea why. My life is good but for some reason, a lot of curiosity is running through my mind. I ask myself, “What if after we die, that’s it there’s nothing left afterward” or “What if God isn’t real? Maybe they just tell everyone He is, so people won’t fear death, and they have something to look forward to.” I ask myself these all the time because I fear death so much, and I need to know if there truly is something afterward.

I will start going to church, and I will try to find out more information, so I don’t have to keep thinking about it. What scares me the most is that if we die and go to heaven, what can keep us occupied or what can heaven have in store for us that will last us an eternity? Honestly being dead forever scares me, but so does being alive forever.


I hope you understand that I am not a Catholic. I am just a Christian. I follow only the Bible and don’t accept the man-made changes endorsed by various denominations, such as the Roman Catholic Church. One of those changes is in regard to when does a person becomes a Christian. In the article, I sent you, What Saves a Person? I listed out many verses that deal with salvation. Becoming a Christian is a personal choice. It cannot be made for you by another person, such as your parents. Being baptized when you were an infant only got you wet. It could not save because it was not your choice. It was not based on your faith in Christ or your repentance from sin — in fact, as a child, you were too young to sin.

But now you have reached an age when you wandering what is true and it is time for you to start deciding for yourself what you believe. Getting more information is an excellent idea. You will make better decisions when you know more about the choices.

Let’s start with the basic question: Is God real? If He does not exist, then that would mean the entire Bible is false, since its foundation is: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth” (Genesis 1:1). So, if God is not real, then this universe just happens to appear by random events — which is what Evolutionists teach. Yet, we look at the world and find it to be organized. Far too many things just happen to be right for life to exist on earth — far too many things for random events to explain it. Then there is the problem of irreducible complexity. That is a system that has so many interdependencies that it cannot be broken down into simpler parts without it ceasing to work. Examples would be the clotting of blood or the human eye. Irreducible complex systems cannot evolve but must have all the parts come together at the same time and in just the right way in order to work. These are just two examples that say there must be something greater than the universe that made the universe. The Bible calls that greater being “God.”

Now, if you accept that God made the universe, it is not difficult to understand that God gave men an instruction book on how to live properly in the universe He made. If I accept that God made the universe, I don’t think I have to worry about whether there will be enough to do in eternity. If God can create a whole universe from nothing, simply because He spoke; then I’m sure there will be infinite things that God can make that I never dreamed of and of which I could spend an eternity just trying to understand. After all, how long would it take you to explore and understand the universe you live in now?