Last updated on September 26, 2020
Question:
Hello,
I’m a boy and I’m 14 years. I’m a Christian. I attend classes with many of my friends who are girls. I always have the habit of thinking of kissing them every time I see them. Is this a sin?
I also see their breasts a bit. I have no thought of having sex with them. Is this a sin? Is it a sin to look at girls who are ‘half-clothed’? Is it a sin to have erections most of the time? Is it a sin to kiss a girl on the lips? Is it a sin to hold my penis most of the time when I have erections? Is it a sin to talk about sex with my friends?
I also have some weird thoughts when I look at girls, but not sexual thoughts. The thought is hugging them and kissing them. My problem is having thoughts about kissing and not having sex. Is this a sin?
I have a friend who is a boy. I kind of like him, and I have sexual thoughts about him. My penis becomes erect when I’m with him. I don’t know if I’m gay. I also have the thought of kissing him. Is this a sin?
Is holding my penis and having thoughts about girls a sin? Is it a sin to be sexually aroused?
All of this is affecting my grades. I ask for forgiveness every day, I keep praying about this. Please help me and please pray for me. I just want to thank you in advance for taking the time to help.
Answer:
Right now you are having sexual desires, but you don’t know how to handle them. You see kissing as something safe because it isn’t actual sex, but you are not considering what kisses might lead to. See: What kind of kiss can I give my girlfriend?
One of the difficulties you seem to have is distinguishing between temptation and lust. Being tempted is not the same as lusting.
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” (James 1:14-15).
James says the steps to spiritual death are:
- A desire for something
- A temptation — an offer to gain what is desired with a trap that you have to break a law of God to get it.
- Lust — an acceptance that breaking God’s law is worth getting what you desire.
- Sin — the actual breaking of God’s law.
- Licentiousness — sin full-grown. This is when a person gets to the point that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks about his sins, he is going to do it anyway. He thinks he has a license to sin.
- Death — when a person stops caring there is no way to bring him back.
You can’t stop desires because they are built into you. You can’t stop yourself from getting hungry, thirsty, wanting sex, wanting to be liked, etc. These are all normal, healthy desires. Satan takes those desires and twists them so that it looks like you have to sin in order to get what you want.
Thus, you are hungry, realize you have no money, and it becomes tempting to steal a candy bar. Since temptations originate with Satan, you can’t stop the temptations either — you can only reject what Satan offers. “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7).
But when you start justifying stealing, such as telling yourself you’ll pay the guy back later or that you are owed a candy bar, even though it wasn’t offered, then you are committing the sin of lust. This is something you can work against because it is originating with your decisions.
If you take the candy bar, then it becomes the sin of stealing. When you’ve stolen things so often that it no longer bothers you and you don’t give it a second thought, then you’ve moved into licentiousness. And from there you have died spiritually.
To have your penis get erect just means you are sexually aroused. It might be due to a temptation, it might be due to lustful thoughts you are having, or it might just be a random event (which happens when you are a teenager). Being aroused, by itself, is not sinful.
Since having sex with another boy would be the sin of homosexuality (I Corinthians 6:9-10), you are lusting for something that is sinful. You need to work at not thinking about your friend in sexual ways.
Holding onto your penis when you are sexually aroused calls attention to the area of your body that ought to remain private. You definitely should not do that when other people can see you.
Regarding talking about sex with friends, see: Is it wrong to talk about your body parts with other teenagers?