Last updated on October 7, 2020
Question
Hi,
I am 21. Well, I was born again in high school and am still in Christ. However, I’ve been struggling with sexual immorality.
I am in a relationship with a woman, which is a long-distance one, for over half a year. When we met we were both fired up — hugs kisses, but we never engaged in the actual act of sex; however, we have been engaged in foreplay many times. I do feel guilty. I cry when I am alone and pray for forgiveness, but I still find myself in the same cage. Recently we met and we almost had sex. I was almost into her vagina before we felt pain and stopped. After that, she said next time we can do it if we have protection. I came back to my senses. I now fear I am not a virgin any more after reading your articles.
She is always rude, even to her parents. I try to tell her to change but with no result because she has a “don’t care” attitude. She flirts with any guy who meets her. To me she is nice. Whatever I ask her she will do. When I am around she conducts herself well and the rude lady disappears.
I need to bring my life back to Jesus Christ. But I don’t know whether to stop the relationship or not because my partner insists vaguely on us having a child. It’s really early because I can’t marry her right now. I doubt if she is born again! Mostly I try reminding her to pray always. All I get is “church is not my thing.” She is always too tired though she claims to be a Catholic.
Please help me to avoid sexual sins and to remove anything that comes between me and my Lord Jesus Christ.
Regards.
Answer:
You are seeing a woman who doesn’t care about God’s laws. She gets you aroused and you never stop to ask if what you are doing is right — at least not until afterward. Yet, knowing it is wrong, you do it again because you enjoy it. Like too many people you lied to yourself to say that it isn’t really a sin until you put your penis into her vagina. I take it that you have been involved in oral sex. But you’ve been naked with a woman you are not married to. You’ve been sexually touching each other, which violates I Corinthians 7:1. You have been lusting for sex without marriage, which violates Matthew 5:28. You have been acting like an animal, which is lewdness, which violates Romans 13:13-14. Fornication isn’t the only sexual sin.
Worse, she’s told you that her goal is to have sex with you; yet you think you control the situation. She told you she wants your sperm to have a baby. That tells me the “protection” scheme is just to get you used to having sex with her. She flirts with many guys, which tells me that she is not committed to you. She has probably had sex with many other guys, even while dating you.
Her rudeness tells you that she has no respect for authority — parents, God, and very likely husband. She is like the warning in Proverbs: “This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, “I have done no wickedness”” (Proverbs 30:20).
You doubt that she is a Christian? I can positively say that she certainly doesn’t act like one and actions are more important than words. “You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:16-20). But then, you haven’t been behaving as a Christian ought to behave either. “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them” (Ephesians 5:3-7).
If you are going to be a real Christian, not a hypocrite who claims one thing while living differently, then you must put your clothes back on and dump this woman immediately. Stop compromising your faith just because some woman gets your penis erect. “Do not enter the path of the wicked, And do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; Turn away from it and pass on. For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; And their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall” (Proverbs 4:14-16).
See also: How much sexual stuff is too much?
If you want a Christian wife, behave like a Christian and date women who behave like Christians.
Question:
Hi Mr. Jeffrey,
I am want to thank you for the above topic. Today it is done, though it took a year to break the old path, it is done now. May our Lord Jesus Christ bless you abundantly in whatever you do. Pray for me not to tire or see it as vain to walk in Christ.
Thank you very much, Jeffrey.
Answer:
I am glad to hear that you came to your senses, though it grieves me that it took a year of sinning before you did so. “For a harlot is a deep pit and an adulterous woman is a narrow well. Surely she lurks as a robber, and increases the faithless among men” (Proverbs 23:27-28). Sexual sins are easy to fall into, but hard to climb back out of. I’m glad to hear you made it out.
Question:
Yes, it also pains me a lot that it took so long; however, I am grateful that there are men like you whom God uses to bring back the lost souls. I am surprised that everything that happens in this century was recorded even before Christ, such as Proverbs 23:27-28. Please pray for me to always follow the light and truth.
Answer:
The Bible applies today because people have not changed. Our technology may change, but people are still struggling with the same sins that have always been around.