Question:
Is it okay for an unmarried guy and a girl to share a bed if they don’t have sex? Is it also okay for a guy and a girl to spend the night at one another’s house, even if they have different beds? If they go on holiday, should they sleep in separate rooms rather than in the same room?
Answer:
“Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall” (I Corinthians 10:12).
While it is your intention not to have sex, you are dramatically increasing the temptation you will be facing and the opportunity to commit fornication. You know you aren’t married yet, but your body’s instincts don’t consider your marital state. It is designed to want and have sex. “Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?” (Proverbs 6:27-28). Expecting a hot coal not to burn you is foolish. It doesn’t matter if you hug it. It will still burn because that is its nature. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t intend to step on it. Fire doesn’t consider your intentions. Solomon’s point is that to think your sexual instincts act differently because of your intentions is equally foolish. Suppose the two of you slip up; could you really claim innocence? (Proverbs 6:29).
Thus, let’s consider sharing a bed. Most people wear little clothing at night when they sleep. You would be alone in a room where other people won’t see what you do. Guys tend to have sexual dreams and have erections during the night. Given all these points, the temptation to have sex would be extremely high. Christians are to avoid evil, not see how close they can get to it. “The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, But the naive go on, and are punished for it” (Proverbs 22:3).
Spending the night in separate bedrooms improves the situation a bit, but since everyone is asleep, the temptation to sneak into each other’s rooms is too high. You need to consider how you can minimize temptation.
Then there is the problem of your reputation. Few, knowing of the situation, would believe that you were not having sex, mostly because they would assume that you are just like them, and they would not be restraining themselves. We are not to behave like worldly people. When speaking of how slaves should treat their masters, Paul said, “All who are under the yoke as slaves are to regard their own masters as worthy of all honor so that the name of God and our doctrine will not be spoken against” (I Timothy 6:1). The principle can be applied even to this situation. Christ’s doctrine stands against fornication. Christians should not give others the impression that ignoring our Lord’s commands is acceptable. “But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints” (Ephesians 5:3).