Last updated on November 7, 2024
Question:
To give as many details as possible, I am a 19-year-old Christian man. I’ve been dating a girl for several months. We have had no sexual interactions, no sex of any kind, never been naked in front of the other, never touched each other sexual parts or anything like that.
I have a foot fetish. It is not a complete one, as in I still want regular sex with my girlfriend (of course, not till we’re married and only for good reason, so not out of lust but so that we can become one and worship the Lord with our unification). My first question is: is my foot fetish wrong?
My second question is: I have been trying to break free from masturbation. I have been doing much better at it than in the past, but I still struggle. How do I stop it so I don’t sin against the Lord? I want to do my best to praise the Lord with everything I do and to stop sinning against Him.
So please, if you can help me, I really appreciate it. If you need any other information, please feel free to ask. Thank you.
Answer:
First, I would like you to read: What does the Bible say about having a fetish? You used the word “fetish” to describe your desire, but I suspect that after you read the article, you will think that it is too strong of a term to describe your behavior and thoughts. While feet are sexually arousing to you, you don’t believe sexual behavior with your future wife can only be expressed through her feet. For this reason, I think you used too strong of a label for yourself.
Some guys get fascinated by a woman’s breasts, others by a woman’s bottom. You just picked a slightly more unusual area. So long as you don’t let it control your behavior, consider it one of your quirks. But at the same time, realize that as you indulge in pleasuring yourself while focusing on people’s feet, you are reinforcing that tie, and it is possible to do so to the point that you aren’t interested in intercourse, only in masturbating to the thoughts of feet. That is a fetish and crosses the line into being wrong.
In regards to masturbation, see: Is masturbation sinful or not? No one is required to masturbate, but some aren’t able to have wet dreams, and there is still a need to relieve the build-up of semen, so they turn to masturbation. Whether you choose to masturbate is up to you; just don’t beat yourself up if you need to relieve yourself, nor try to prevent yourself from ejaculating and losing your self-control because instinct takes over.
Question:
I have read the article. I searched your sites and articles before talking to you because I wanted to do some research. I see your point that maybe I was a little strong about it. I was worried that I would only be able to do sex with feet, but then when I met my girlfriend and started feeling another feeling, I realized I am likely still going to have sex (99 percent sure).
That is fair to do it when too much builds up. If I ever have to masturbate again, I am going to try and push those thoughts out. Also, with the masturbation, I would still like to try and stop and was wondering if you had any helpful tricks.
I do appreciate you answering my questions though it means a lot.
Answer:
The difficulty you are running into is that you are trying to do multiple things at once, and some conflict with each other. It is better to separate the issues.
Regarding your foot fetish, the simple answer (that is difficult to do) is not to allow yourself to indulge in it. The foundation of this issue is how you think about things. Yes, when you see feet, you get aroused but try to avoid it. Like Job, don’t focus on things you know will arouse you. “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” (Job 31:1). You won’t be about to avoid seeing feet, but you can stop yourself from dwelling on them. Of course, this means you must stop looking up images of feet or videos connecting feet with sex. You can’t break a habit by indulging in it.
Regarding masturbation, the foundation of the issue is your physical need to ejaculate when you’ve produced too much semen. You can’t stop the physical process, but you can regulate it. Do you know if you are able to have wet dreams? If so, you can redirect your body’s preferred way to get relief toward wet dreams. Wet dreams are triggered when your seminal vesicles get full, so you have to put off masturbating as long as you can stand, but not so long that you lose your self-control. When you reach that point, you do something different, such as going to bed naked. You’ll find it hard to sleep because you are aroused. You’ll likely wake up several times in the middle of the night. You may even find yourself in the process of masturbating when you wake up. What you do is just finish off what was started. It builds a new habit.
What you don’t do is put your phone near your bed. The temptation to look at inappropriate images will be too high.
It will take several months, but you should start noticing that when you need to ejaculate, you’ll sleep longer, and you may get to the point that you ejaculate without fully awakening.
As I mentioned before, you are going to find times when your need to ejaculate hits you hard, and instinct wants to take over. If you have to masturbate to keep control, it isn’t a disaster. Technically, there is nothing wrong with masturbating. You may have trouble controlling your thoughts, but usually, when a guy is that far aroused, he ejaculates quickly. Just take care of the need and continue working toward teaching yourself to have wet dreams.