Question:
I decided to bet five dollars a few months ago, thinking I wished I could win. The problem is that out of nowhere, I got thoughts like “Sell your soul to the devil.” I don’t remember if I asked to win the bet in exchange for that. Suddenly, I felt an immediate feeling of stress and thought, “No, no, no.” I tried to think of something else to avoid those thoughts. I don’t remember if I said yes at some point. Anyway all of this was in my thoughts after I won the bet. At that moment, I was happy. Then memories of that event began. Immediately, the stress began again for a while. I’m trying to remember, but I don’t recall asking God to save my soul. I don’t remember asking Christ for forgiveness for believing I hadn’t sold it. Now, I have almost no memory of that moment, and I didn’t have too much stress remembering it.
The problem started about two weeks ago. I was quietly playing a videogame when I think I saw a video about a football game. While I was listening to it, out of nowhere, I thought, “I would give my soul if that team won.” Again, that stress started. Obviously, all this was always in my mind, and now it was worse than the previous time; this time, my mind started to think a lot more than before with thoughts like “Did I really sell my soul?” I think I remember asking God for forgiveness for my sin in my mind. Then I went to sleep, and luckily or unfortunately for me, that team won, and again the memories of what had happened the day before came back. This time, it was much worse because I was really sorry, so I asked for forgiveness for my sin many times and to heal the feeling that did not let me sleep or eat.
I cried for days, asking for forgiveness, telling him that I had committed a bad act and to please heal my soul for my sins. I also begged him to take away those thoughts that hurt me because I did not want to succumb to sin. I started searching on the internet to find out if I could be forgiven for my actions and if there were people who had gone through something similar and it turns out that there were people who had practically the same thing happen to them and most of the comments they received said yes, it should be possible to forgive because it was not an unforgivable sin.
But the truth is I am very paranoid, and the memory does not leave my head. Now that I no longer feel that horrible feeling, I wonder if I was honest with myself and repented of those thoughts even though, at first, my heart told me yes.
I think it’s my paranoia. My head doesn’t control my thoughts, and when I cried and asked God for forgiveness for my sins, I did it from the heart, and now my mind plays many tricks on me.
I’m not one to go to church or do many religious things, but I’ve always believed in God and Jesus Christ, although I didn’t follow religion much.
When I confessed my sin to God, asking for forgiveness, I also confessed that I was afraid of not being forgiven because I wanted to be happy with my family and see my father in heaven. After reading many comments, I felt much calmer, but by that time, several days had passed since I confessed. I think my feelings of regret were genuine. Again, my brain gives too many turns to the matters and stresses me out.
But I also have another problem. My brain seems not to stop thinking about it and even keeps thinking about selling my soul for meaningless things. It stresses me out a lot. I asked God for forgiveness again, but now I’m trying to divert any bad feelings so I don’t relapse again. Those moments made my heart beat very hard, but I’m very afraid of not being forgiven and that my head will continue to have those thoughts. I think my repentance was genuine, but since the feeling went away so soon, I’m afraid to believe I didn’t repent.
Now, every time my mind sends those thoughts, I ask God to take away what Satan gives me and to forgive me for my thoughts and sins.
The truth is, now that I see what I’m going to send, it seems more like a vent than a request for help. What I want to ask is if God can forgive me and how I can get rid of my evil thoughts of selling my soul. To be honest, I don’t know if it can be sold because from what I read, it can’t be sold, and I don’t know if it can be sold just by thinking about it.
I asked God to help me laugh again and be happy with my family, and it seems that my request was fulfilled.
Can I be forgiven?
Answer:
Most of what you describe is temptation. You are tempted to sin, but you reject it. Being tempted is not a sin. See: “It seems impossible to perfectly control your thoughts.” If you had sinned, you should be able to tell me what you did wrong, not what you thought about doing.
What is sinful is thinking that you can please God in your own way by doing your own thing. If you believe in God, you should realize that God defines what we must do and not the men who serve Him. “Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great” (Luke 6:46-49). You can’t continue to pretend to be religious and expect to reach heaven. See: “How to Become a Christian.”
Question:
Hello!
Thank you for responding. I think I understand what you mean about trying to please God without practicing in my own way. I think I did it unconsciously, but I realized it, thanks to your words about selling my soul. Maybe I am being tempted. But then, am I doing the right thing by not succumbing to it?
My biggest fear is that although I have always tried to deny myself and erase those thoughts, I don’t really know if at any point I said yes when the thoughts of “I would sell my soul if such and such thing happens” came. It is what makes my heart beat faster. I honestly don’t want to do any of those things, but I am afraid of doing them by mistake.
But pretending to belong to a religion got me thinking. The truth is that I am 16 years old, and I don’t think I am old enough to be in religion right now. I wanted to do it since I had enough time to reorganize things in my life and such. I think you can understand me.
Most of my family is Catholic, but I would like to enter Christianity since it seems the best to me. What I most want is to be able to live a quiet life with my family until I get to the point where I consider that I am well enough to start with religion.
But I don’t understand. Am I wrong for believing in God but not following the Christian religion?
I just want a quiet life and to be able to be happy before entering fully into religion. I think I still have a lot of life ahead of me, and I want both my mother and my brothers to practice this religion in the future. I know that it is never too late to follow Christ, so I wanted to wait a little. Should I enter now?
Thanks again for reading.
Answer:
When you decide to become a Christian is determined by when you realize that you have sinned and need salvation from what you have done. That realization comes to people at different points in life. No one can make that decision for you because it must be based on your belief and commitment to serve God. “He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned” (Mark 16:16). If you wait for your family to decide, then you missed the point. “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37-38).
Being a Christian doesn’t protect you from temptations, but it does give you the tools needed to recognize that something is sinful and how to avoid sinning. It allows you to give your problems over to God and know that, in the end, all will work out.
In one way, you are correct. It is never too late to become a Christian, but it is also true that you are not guaranteed tomorrow. People have delayed following Christ and lost their chance because their lives ended before they expected. Being a Christian is not about serving God when I find it convenient. “Now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require from you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the LORD’S commandments and His statutes which I am commanding you today for your good?” (Deuteronomy 10:12-13).
People have made up all sorts of ideas about “selling your soul,” but the reality is simple. When a person lets sin control their decisions, they have essentially given up the right to eternal life in exchange for a few moments of pleasure. See “Can you sell your soul?“