Am I gay because I find boys in underwear or shirtless attractive?

Last updated on September 26, 2020



When I see boys in their underwear or shirtless when I am in the gym, I like their bodies and I keep looking at them; yet, my penis doesn’t become erect. Does that mean that I have desires for boys and “being gay?” I am attracted to girls, but I never thought of having sex with either boys or girls. I am 14 years old.

When I was young, like 6 or 7, I used to touch one of my relatives. He was younger than me and used to do as I did, but now I don’t.

Please help me. Thanks.


It is normal to go through a phase where a boy is curious about what other boys look like, to wonder whether you will develop like them, or to admire another guy’s body. None of these means you want to have sex with another guy, which is the proper definition of homosexuality.

Relatively few guys actually engage in the sin of homosexuality, so the people who have been trying to get it accepted by society at large went on a campaign to obscure and broaden what homosexuality means. Since many boys go through a phase of being attracted to men (it used to be called “hero worship”), claiming that homosexuality is about the attraction to the same gender broke down barriers and won the movement some sympathy. But overlooked is that the definition changed.

Homosexuality is having sex with someone of the same gender. The Bible is very specific that this is a sin. “For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due” (Romans 1:26-27). Lust is a strong desire for something that is sinful. It is more than just a mere attraction, which could lead to a temptation to sin. Lust is wanting something so badly that you are willing to sin and in your mind, you are telling yourself that it would be alright to sin — at least in some cases. To lust after homosexuality or any other sin is also a sin, but lust is not the same sin as the actual act.

Sex is supposed to be reserved for marriage. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). It is too early for you to marry, let alone have sex. It is true that the desire for sex will build as you mature, but God wants men to wait until they are married.

I assume that you used to touch a younger relative’s genitals and he in imitation would touch yours. While it feels good, it is the wrong thing to do. It wasn’t proper behavior, even if the two of you were quite young.