Question:
Sir,
I recently got married and was always curious to know about female sexual behaviour and masturbation habits. I recently asked my wife about it, and she said she had never bothered to masturbate since her childhood, and she hardly masturbates.
Sir, I trust my wife, but I’m a little confused whether she is telling the truth or lying. She never initiates sex, as men only need sex, not women. Are men and women totally different in their perspective on sexual thoughts and urges?
Answer:
A very common mistake people of both genders make is to assume that what they feel and experience must be what everyone else experiences. A part of maturing is learning to see life through the eyes of another to understand them better. This doesn’t mean you will necessarily agree with them, but knowing how they perceive events can help you discuss your differences better.
Sometime after puberty, boys begin producing semen. Most boys masturbate because they have built up semen in their seminal vesicles and need to ejaculate. Some have wet dreams, and masturbating is less of an issue for them. Either way, a boy’s sexual drive is linked to how much semen is stored in the seminal vesicles. A boy’s sexual desire rises as his seminal vesicles fill and decreases after ejaculation. Thus, boys have the drive to ejaculate periodically, and to ejaculate, they experience orgasms.
Girls do not produce fluids that are stored in glands. Since there is no storage, release is unnecessary when the storage gets full. While masturbation feels good to a girl, there is no physical need for release that is driving it as there is in boys. Instead, a girl’s sexual desire is tied to her monthly cycle. She experiences the strongest sexual desire around the time an egg is released. It then fades on its own as the cycle continues. Since a girl has nothing to release, orgasms feel good but serve no physical purpose.
Boys tend to be visually oriented. Things they see can stimulate their sexual desires. Thus, a significant problem boys struggle with is controlling their impulse to chase pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. It doesn’t help that there is a period in adolescence when their judgment centers don’t work well, and they don’t consider the consequences of their actions. Also, while boys feel emotions strongly, they can “disconnect” from those emotions and continue to function despite their current emotions.
Girls tend to be verbally oriented. Things they hear or read can stimulate their sexual desires. To a girl, sex is an expression of a relationship. If the relationship is not good, they don’t see a reason to have sex. Girls are also more in tune with their emotions and those around them. This is why women have an intuition about situations. They can’t logically explain why they reach conclusions, but since they pick up on subtle clues that men miss, they often can jump to the correct conclusion. During adolescence, they go through a period where it is challenging to control their emotions, and they often misread the emotions of others by usually assuming the extreme. Unlike boys, girls have a hard time disconnecting from their emotions, and those emotions cycle monthly as their hormones change.