Last updated on August 19, 2020
Question:
Hello, I am sure you get this question all of the time, but do you think God really created that one special person for you? Or, are you just out on a playing field and whoever you meet you meet?
I know I have a girl who I am very fond of, but sadly we go to different schools this year. But next year we will be at the same school, and I’m worried about her meeting someone before I really get the chance. If that girl is meant for me, will God give me that opportunity?
Answer
Let’s think about this for a moment. If there was one special person for everyone alive and there are approximately 6 billion people on the planet at the moment, that means you would have to look at about 3 billion people to find that one special person. On average, you would have to go through about half the potential people to find that one special someone, so we’re down to having everyone spending time considering 1.5 billion people on average. Let’s say we’re being super fast and you met and consider a person once every 5 minutes. Let’s see … (crunching numbers on my calculator) … that would mean that it would take the average person 14,269 years to find a mate. That’s more than twice as long as this world has been around!
The fact is that nothing in the Bible states that God made just one person for you. There are literally thousands of people you could happily live with for the rest of your life. Some might take a bit more work than others, but still, happiness is possible.
To prove this, do you get along with your siblings? Or how about your mom and dad? Do you love them? Or at least like them? But did you get to pick them? No? So how is it that you are able to get along with people you never got to choose for a partner? The fact is that you make it work.
In ancient days, people didn’t often choose their own spouses. Mom and Dad made arrangements for a good marriage. And oftentimes those arranged marriages worked because people worked on them. When you get two people together who are dedicated to making a marriage work, no matter what comes their way, that marriage is very likely to be very happy.
The idea that there is one special person for me ruins a lot of marriages. A person falls head over heels with someone, gets married, and is happy for a while. But then something goes wrong, as it is almost bound to do, and there is a big fight. The next thing you know the person is wondering, “Did I make a mistake? Maybe I married the wrong person.” He starts to look around and there is another person whom he likes really well — and he doesn’t fight with her! But that is because they aren’t living together yet and haven’t spent a lot of time together. So he divorces his first wife to marry another. Everything is blissful for a while, but eventually, it happens again. And again. And again.
“And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, “For it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously”” (Malachi 2:13-16).
You have the privilege of picking the one with whom you wish to make a lifetime covenant. The field is wide with potential partners. So pick someone who shares things in common with you so that you can share life with her. But most importantly, find someone who is as dedicated as you are to making this relationship work, in good times and in bad times. If you are interested in someone, but she isn’t putting much effort into keeping the relationship going, then you don’t have someone worth marrying. If she isn’t that interested now, what will she be like after marriage?
A lot of early relationships aren’t going to last. That is because you don’t know exactly what you are looking for and neither does the other person. So you try a relationship to see if it will work. Because of your inexperience, the chances are that it will fail because you didn’t see the person as they really are, you only saw what you imagine them to be. The longer you spend time together, the more reality sets in and you find yourself disappointed. That is why the average High School relationship only lasts three months. Those short-term relationships hurt, but they are necessary as a learning experience. As you get older and more stable in your outlook, you will be able to narrow the field to the type of person you want and you will know what to look for in another person.
This is why you need to stay away from sex before marriage. Sex complicates matters. It creates bindings between people who are not ready or willing to be bonded. Until you find the person with whom you will give a lifetime covenant of commitment, stay out of her bed.
“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:9).