Last updated on March 10, 2022
Question:
It’s been a few months since one of the darkest times in my life. I used to watch and masturbate to porn frequently. It began simply as sex between men and women. Then it escalated to more wicked, perverse categories of pornography.
Back then, I had no idea watching porn was a sin. I was simply a hormonal teenager exploring my sexuality. I’ve been a Christian my entire life. I never bothered to research if porn was a sin. I assumed it wasn’t, since it was so pleasurable, and had no evident side effects. I assumed there was nothing wrong with it. I knew adultery and fornication were sins, but there had to be nothing wrong with watching porn because it didn’t involve other people, did it?
Then came a time when I decided to research porn, and if watching it was wrong. It wasn’t exactly a personal decision, it was more like God guiding me on the right path. Long story short, I found out that what I was watching was condemned in the Bible, and when I masturbated to videos, I was getting pleasure out of watching women sin — possibly even against their will.
I knew I had to quit watching porn, but it wasn’t easy. Thankfully, God helped out of the mess I’d gotten into. I started trying to watch it less often, gradually decreasing my porn consumption, until eventually, I stopped watching it. Since then, I’ve never masturbated to any type of porn. But, although God has commanded me to stop, I frequently get urges to watch it or think about sin for sexual pleasure. I’ve learned to control my thoughts, as well as my actions, but the urges seem to be getting stronger every day.
I feel like I’m about to fall back into a trap I escaped months ago. I know that not only is it a sin, but porn has negative effects on the brain and can negatively impact the lives of individuals. Despite that, I’ve recently started searching for porn, glancing at it, then looking away. I’m trying all I can to not masturbate to it but just glancing at it to get turned on seems wrong. I’ve asked God to guide me through this, but I also think getting help from a professional would help. And that’s exactly why I emailed you.
So, my question is: How do to control my urges? How do I avoid doing something so enjoyable, yet that separates me from God? I know masturbating to porn is wrong, yet it feels so good. In fact, it’s one of the most exciting, pleasurable, and enjoyable things I’ve done before, yet it negatively impacts me. How do I fight the urge to open up a new tab and search for porn, even if I close out of it immediately? I’ve never been to your church, but I noticed you’ve covered similar topics on your website, and I think you could help me.
Answer:
You realize that pornography, in all its forms, is religiously wrong, you even realize that it is harming you, but you aren’t fully convinced that just one more time will hurt you. Thus, when the urge to ejaculate gets strong, as it always does with males, there is the temptation to compromise. And as you have noticed, it progresses.
A part of the drive of sin is the thrill and you find yourself pushed to get greater thrills. But this is not quantifiable. There are always greater thrills and things that used to be thrilling become dull. It becomes an endless cycle.
Another part of the drive for porn is that it provides a sort of escapism. Thus, when you get stressed, there is a push to do something that doesn’t require effort or thought. In the end, you orgasm and ejaculate, which releases hormones that cause you to relax for a while. What is lost is that this would happen, even if you didn’t watch porn. Therefore, the trick is to find something else to distract you. Read a good book or go for a run. These things will also help you relax and distract you from your stress. And if the urge is strong to ejaculate, then go ahead and masturbate. Thus, you get the same effect without sin.
Another excuse I’ve heard is that “I can ejaculate faster with porn, and I don’t have time to wait.” The truth is that without porn, you won’t need to ejaculate as often because your mind and body won’t be sexually aroused as much. The more you are aroused, the more semen you produce. The result is that you won’t have to spend as much time with your pants down. Second, if you are having trouble ejaculating, then the need isn’t that strong. You are better off waiting until later. Thus, you are not wasting time masturbating more often than you need to. Third, guys who watch porn don’t realize how much time they waste. Time moves differently when you are aroused. Many guys tell me they end up watching porn for hours when they could have been doing other things, such as sleep. You don’t save time by wasting time.
Finally, realize that you can’t run your life on your feelings. You are not an animal driven by instinct. Yes, you have instinctive urges and feelings, but you also have a mind that can override those urges. If you constantly make decisions based on feelings you will frequently end up doing wrong. “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26).
Question:
Thank you for the advice, Jeffrey. I will give it a try, and I will stop giving in to my temptation to search for porn. It becomes hard, especially when I haven’t released after many days, but I won’t let my urges control me. I will control my urges.
Answer:
It might seem trivial, but if the temptation increases when you haven’t ejaculated in a number of days, then find a private place where there is nothing to look at and relieve yourself. That will decrease your sex drive and make temptations easier to ignore.